Tears And Laughter : The 43 Week 26.2 Round Up/Update [T43W26RU/U +2]
I used to 'celebrate' the 'deathdays' of those whose lives meant most to me, out of the many there were always those few whose loss hit hardest
I used to, with help, have 3 braids hidden in my then-long hair for the then-three whose deaths I couldn't forget
and then, mere months after I'd moved to the Cities in '01, my sister died...
this loss made all the prior deaths moot, hit me like no death before ever had, caused changes in my life like none other
not that long after I gave up 'celebrating deathdays,' I cut my hair (though not entirely related, I admit), I stopped tracking how many people I knew died that year
...and I - well - I moved on
in the 15+ years since I've faced a year where more people I knew died than months in the year, but also faced a year where no one I knew died
aye, deaths of people I've known and people I've loved still occur
aye, some deaths strike me more than others
a year ago and a day my oldest friend - who was also my first kiss - died... it struck me hard, though I hid it pretty well
come late April it'll be a year since my favourite cousin died... which struck me so hard I broke down at work when I found out
...*sighs*...
since '88 there's only been ONE year, as aforementioned, that no one I know has died
twice since '88 I've had to witness someone take their last breath - and both were fairly devastating :(
BUT after so many years I'm well aware that I'm going to have these years
that the likelihood of someone I know dying is VERY likely to occur at some point in every year
honestly, I should be thankful that I still have friends amongst the living
hells, after all these years of death, it should kind of say something about me that I've even HAD this many friends
BUT, aye, there are deaths that are going to affect me more than others
there will be some that bring me to my knees
there will be some that have me hurting
there will be some that barely register, I must admit
there will even be some where a shake of my head and a whisp of memoria are all that strike my self
this doesn't mean that any death means more - or less - than any other
all it means is, as already stated, some will affect me more
there will be those who directly - insanely, in some ways - affected my life and who I am
there will be those whom I loved, in my unusual and oft-strange fashion
There WILL be death
I don't blame myself, as I had for years with some of the deaths in my life
I blame no one.
death. simply. IS.
and it will happen... again and again... I gaurantee it.
I have no expectation of another no-death year - I highly doubt the possibility
I can only hope that those who died did so with little to no pain
just as I can only hope that those who LIVE do so with little to no pain
I've been proud to be able to say that, in my past - recent and much farther back - I was able to make people smile, even in the 'hard' moments
it's something I do and something that I enjoy doing
often I do so at my own expense - but that's part of the joy of it, the absurdity of Life and Living
that we CAN smile, even though the hard times, and we can make EACH OTHER smile if we so choose to
I don't have much to give, but I can give THAT and enjoy every minute of it... tears from laughter wash away tears of sadness and pain in the most wonderous ways
if I've ever made you smile, I'm glad - if I haven't, I hope to do so someday... for both our sakes, for ALL our sakes
Life is about Living - let's do it with a Smile, shall we ? :)
watched recently :
via netflix/hulu/amazon:
The Librarians (2nd Season)
ownedflix:
Short Circuit
Disney's Tinkerbell
Fantastic 4
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs
Ice Age: Continental Drift
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.
I used to, with help, have 3 braids hidden in my then-long hair for the then-three whose deaths I couldn't forget
and then, mere months after I'd moved to the Cities in '01, my sister died...
this loss made all the prior deaths moot, hit me like no death before ever had, caused changes in my life like none other
not that long after I gave up 'celebrating deathdays,' I cut my hair (though not entirely related, I admit), I stopped tracking how many people I knew died that year
...and I - well - I moved on
in the 15+ years since I've faced a year where more people I knew died than months in the year, but also faced a year where no one I knew died
aye, deaths of people I've known and people I've loved still occur
aye, some deaths strike me more than others
a year ago and a day my oldest friend - who was also my first kiss - died... it struck me hard, though I hid it pretty well
come late April it'll be a year since my favourite cousin died... which struck me so hard I broke down at work when I found out
...*sighs*...
since '88 there's only been ONE year, as aforementioned, that no one I know has died
twice since '88 I've had to witness someone take their last breath - and both were fairly devastating :(
BUT after so many years I'm well aware that I'm going to have these years
that the likelihood of someone I know dying is VERY likely to occur at some point in every year
honestly, I should be thankful that I still have friends amongst the living
hells, after all these years of death, it should kind of say something about me that I've even HAD this many friends
BUT, aye, there are deaths that are going to affect me more than others
there will be some that bring me to my knees
there will be some that have me hurting
there will be some that barely register, I must admit
there will even be some where a shake of my head and a whisp of memoria are all that strike my self
this doesn't mean that any death means more - or less - than any other
all it means is, as already stated, some will affect me more
there will be those who directly - insanely, in some ways - affected my life and who I am
there will be those whom I loved, in my unusual and oft-strange fashion
There WILL be death
I don't blame myself, as I had for years with some of the deaths in my life
I blame no one.
death. simply. IS.
and it will happen... again and again... I gaurantee it.
I have no expectation of another no-death year - I highly doubt the possibility
I can only hope that those who died did so with little to no pain
just as I can only hope that those who LIVE do so with little to no pain
I've been proud to be able to say that, in my past - recent and much farther back - I was able to make people smile, even in the 'hard' moments
it's something I do and something that I enjoy doing
often I do so at my own expense - but that's part of the joy of it, the absurdity of Life and Living
that we CAN smile, even though the hard times, and we can make EACH OTHER smile if we so choose to
I don't have much to give, but I can give THAT and enjoy every minute of it... tears from laughter wash away tears of sadness and pain in the most wonderous ways
if I've ever made you smile, I'm glad - if I haven't, I hope to do so someday... for both our sakes, for ALL our sakes
Life is about Living - let's do it with a Smile, shall we ? :)
watched recently :
via netflix/hulu/amazon:
The Librarians (2nd Season)
ownedflix:
Short Circuit
Disney's Tinkerbell
Fantastic 4
Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs
Ice Age: Continental Drift
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.