Unfinished Cinema : The 39 Week 35 Round Up/Update +1 [T39W35RU/U +1]
3/4 6:59p ::
"you ever have one of those evenings where you're watching an '00s-era Canadian sci-fi, drinking sweet tea, and gnarfing down Combos when you begin wondering why it is the best sci-fi and comedies come from either the UK or Canada, even the ones that starred bad Hollywood b-actors, when your brain does a spotcheck and wonders if 'gnarfing' is actually a verb or just something that came out the top of your head or even an obscure Bloom County strip as you suddenly you realize your mustache smells like french fries when you haven't had fries in weeks since that visit to Buffalo Wild Wings and it makes you wonder, ever so vaguely, what your beard may smell like and how does one go about smelling ones own beard anyways, really?"
I LOVE film, I utterly do... I've seen thousands of films, yet there are thousands I have yet to see.
BUT... for every B- and Z- grade film that was utterly awful yet I continued to watch to the very end, there ARE films I either wouldn't or couldn't watch the entirety of...
nor do I intend to (with one or two exceptions).
there are films so god-awfully bad (in my opinion) that I just wouldn't take it anymore
there are films so god-awfully boring (in my opinion) that I just couldn't stay awake...
the following are some of these :
The Big "F"s...
1) back in the early-mid '90s there was a film that both the media and friends were hyping like you wouldn't believe - some "epic" romance/comedy/drama (depending on whom you talked to).
I headed to the theatre to see this totally "epic" film... and ended up walking out partway through and asking for my money back, to the shock of the theatre manager who tried to convince me it was "great" and I was wrong.
Needless to say I got my money back and (still) have a dislike/hate for that so-called "epic" film starring Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump.
2) back when you actually had to go to video stores to rent movies, I was looking for something "demn good" to watch for a quiet weekend, something to keep me interested AND entertained.
on the store employee's recommendation I took a rental home... and within an hour had stopped the tape and was en route to returning a much-hyped film that I couldn't sit through.
he was good enough to let me grab a different movie instead which kept me laughing. As much as I LOVE the Coen brothers' films, just as every actor/director has a bad film, Fargo was theirs.
Cinematic Dreams...
3) once again, a much-hyped film - by the media and friends - was brought to my attention. already out of theatres, I gave in and decided to give this guy a chance and rent the f'er.
at some point I fell asleep and woke to TV static following the credits... naturally I tried again, to which I, again, fell asleep at some point. I even tried again years later...!
for whatever reason it is (subliminal sleep messaging?), I just cannot watch Dances With Wolves without falling asleep.
( on a humerous note, they've recently released an EXTENDED version of it! tempting to rent it, again, to see if I can get a full night of sleep )
4) sometimes an epic comes along that's... too "epic." too overly hyped, too overly done, but such a classic you HAVE to give it a chance no matter what happened before...
since I was working in a movie theatre at the time, it was not only easy but cheap for me to give this "epic" film a chance - but, after even multiple watchings, I kept falling asleep.
I can't remember at what point I'd fall asleep watching Star Wars III:Revenge Of The Sith on the Big Screen but I'd be startled awake by cheering crowd to Vader rising on a platform and, soon thereafter, credits.
Honourable Mention
H) there was a time when where I lived it was literally a hundred mile drive in order to see a film on the Big Screen (or a Big Screen where there weren't critters runnin' 'round one's feet).
which meant that to go see a movie involved a road trip, usually involving alcohol, and usually followed by (usually successful) attempts to bring alcohol into the theatre for the film.
thus, all I remember of Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is the alcohol mix was strong enough to eat through the waxy theatre cups and soak the popcorn - and that unknown girls in the row behind us kept playing with my then-long hair.
via netflix/hulu:
Demons - Argento-produced, at a free screening in a renovated theatre a lobby mask (also in the film within) begins transforming people into demons.
Demons 2 - Argento-produced, this sequel involves birthday party celebrants and other tenants of a large apartment complex transforming into demons.
this time to outbreak is caused by a television broadcast of a dramatization of the events of the first film - and includes Asia Argento's debut at 10yrs!
Demons III:The Ogre - completely unrelated to the previous films, n horror writer's nightmares of when she was a child begin to manifest in reality.
April Fool's Day [remake] - this Butcher Brothers' remake of the '80s Deborah Foreman flick is a different but twistedly entertaining re-telling...
ownedflix:
Ace Ventura:When Nature Calls - the return of the oddly flaky eccentric pet retrieval specialist sends him to Africa after the one animal he loathes.
Earth Girls Are Easy - with a soon-to-be-all-star cast, this sci-fi comedy has a trio of furred aliens crash land in the pool of a Valley manicurist.
Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, and Damon Wayans are perfect as the aliens, Geena Davis and Julie Brown as valley girls, and a hilarious cameo by Michael McKean.
Batman Returns - Burton's Batman returns in this warped little sequel involving a deformed and deranged Penguin and psychotic love-interest Catwoman.
Danny DeVito is unrecognizable as the Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer delicious as the transformed Catwoman, and Christopher Walken twisted as ruthless Shreck...
Batman Forever - my favourite of the pre-Nolan Batmans has Schumacher taking on Burton's Batman as he attempts to stop both Two-Face and the Riddler.
campier, which fits the addition of the Riddler to the franchise - played to the insane hilt by Jim Carrey... and, hells, it also co-stars Tommy Lee Jones!
Starhunter - an intriguing and oftimes hilarious Canadian sci-fi series of a haunted reluctant bounty hunter, his secretive partner, and his neice...
facing not only unusual criminals and rivals, there's intrigue including a group of sterile raiders who'd stolen his son and a subplot of newfound genetics.
-thom / thom W sR Rhose
( "we are all inmates in the same asylum, some of us are just better at bribing the guards" )
( "Who do I think I am? thom Wolfox sR Rhose, official slaveboy, SchmooGod of the MidWest, and RedKnight of Pattern - amongst other names, why?" )
( "Godfuck Me, Jesus!" )
( *breathe ... relax ... kill ... rinse ... repeat* )
( "In a previous life I was the engine block to a '56 chevy, I lost my heart to a Volkswagen Bus... er, wait - or was that a '57?" )
( "I may not be the brightest orange in this bag o'donuts, but I know vasoline when I smell it!" )
"Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave..."
"Oh, man. I'm sensing something very canadian about this place..."
"It's all true, god's an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live..."
Jax : "yay for you, do you want a cookie or a bozo button?"
"you ever have one of those evenings where you're watching an '00s-era Canadian sci-fi, drinking sweet tea, and gnarfing down Combos when you begin wondering why it is the best sci-fi and comedies come from either the UK or Canada, even the ones that starred bad Hollywood b-actors, when your brain does a spotcheck and wonders if 'gnarfing' is actually a verb or just something that came out the top of your head or even an obscure Bloom County strip as you suddenly you realize your mustache smells like french fries when you haven't had fries in weeks since that visit to Buffalo Wild Wings and it makes you wonder, ever so vaguely, what your beard may smell like and how does one go about smelling ones own beard anyways, really?"
I LOVE film, I utterly do... I've seen thousands of films, yet there are thousands I have yet to see.
BUT... for every B- and Z- grade film that was utterly awful yet I continued to watch to the very end, there ARE films I either wouldn't or couldn't watch the entirety of...
nor do I intend to (with one or two exceptions).
there are films so god-awfully bad (in my opinion) that I just wouldn't take it anymore
there are films so god-awfully boring (in my opinion) that I just couldn't stay awake...
the following are some of these :
The Big "F"s...
1) back in the early-mid '90s there was a film that both the media and friends were hyping like you wouldn't believe - some "epic" romance/comedy/drama (depending on whom you talked to).
I headed to the theatre to see this totally "epic" film... and ended up walking out partway through and asking for my money back, to the shock of the theatre manager who tried to convince me it was "great" and I was wrong.
Needless to say I got my money back and (still) have a dislike/hate for that so-called "epic" film starring Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump.
2) back when you actually had to go to video stores to rent movies, I was looking for something "demn good" to watch for a quiet weekend, something to keep me interested AND entertained.
on the store employee's recommendation I took a rental home... and within an hour had stopped the tape and was en route to returning a much-hyped film that I couldn't sit through.
he was good enough to let me grab a different movie instead which kept me laughing. As much as I LOVE the Coen brothers' films, just as every actor/director has a bad film, Fargo was theirs.
Cinematic Dreams...
3) once again, a much-hyped film - by the media and friends - was brought to my attention. already out of theatres, I gave in and decided to give this guy a chance and rent the f'er.
at some point I fell asleep and woke to TV static following the credits... naturally I tried again, to which I, again, fell asleep at some point. I even tried again years later...!
for whatever reason it is (subliminal sleep messaging?), I just cannot watch Dances With Wolves without falling asleep.
( on a humerous note, they've recently released an EXTENDED version of it! tempting to rent it, again, to see if I can get a full night of sleep )
4) sometimes an epic comes along that's... too "epic." too overly hyped, too overly done, but such a classic you HAVE to give it a chance no matter what happened before...
since I was working in a movie theatre at the time, it was not only easy but cheap for me to give this "epic" film a chance - but, after even multiple watchings, I kept falling asleep.
I can't remember at what point I'd fall asleep watching Star Wars III:Revenge Of The Sith on the Big Screen but I'd be startled awake by cheering crowd to Vader rising on a platform and, soon thereafter, credits.
Honourable Mention
H) there was a time when where I lived it was literally a hundred mile drive in order to see a film on the Big Screen (or a Big Screen where there weren't critters runnin' 'round one's feet).
which meant that to go see a movie involved a road trip, usually involving alcohol, and usually followed by (usually successful) attempts to bring alcohol into the theatre for the film.
thus, all I remember of Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is the alcohol mix was strong enough to eat through the waxy theatre cups and soak the popcorn - and that unknown girls in the row behind us kept playing with my then-long hair.
via netflix/hulu:
Demons - Argento-produced, at a free screening in a renovated theatre a lobby mask (also in the film within) begins transforming people into demons.
Demons 2 - Argento-produced, this sequel involves birthday party celebrants and other tenants of a large apartment complex transforming into demons.
this time to outbreak is caused by a television broadcast of a dramatization of the events of the first film - and includes Asia Argento's debut at 10yrs!
Demons III:The Ogre - completely unrelated to the previous films, n horror writer's nightmares of when she was a child begin to manifest in reality.
April Fool's Day [remake] - this Butcher Brothers' remake of the '80s Deborah Foreman flick is a different but twistedly entertaining re-telling...
ownedflix:
Ace Ventura:When Nature Calls - the return of the oddly flaky eccentric pet retrieval specialist sends him to Africa after the one animal he loathes.
Earth Girls Are Easy - with a soon-to-be-all-star cast, this sci-fi comedy has a trio of furred aliens crash land in the pool of a Valley manicurist.
Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, and Damon Wayans are perfect as the aliens, Geena Davis and Julie Brown as valley girls, and a hilarious cameo by Michael McKean.
Batman Returns - Burton's Batman returns in this warped little sequel involving a deformed and deranged Penguin and psychotic love-interest Catwoman.
Danny DeVito is unrecognizable as the Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer delicious as the transformed Catwoman, and Christopher Walken twisted as ruthless Shreck...
Batman Forever - my favourite of the pre-Nolan Batmans has Schumacher taking on Burton's Batman as he attempts to stop both Two-Face and the Riddler.
campier, which fits the addition of the Riddler to the franchise - played to the insane hilt by Jim Carrey... and, hells, it also co-stars Tommy Lee Jones!
Starhunter - an intriguing and oftimes hilarious Canadian sci-fi series of a haunted reluctant bounty hunter, his secretive partner, and his neice...
facing not only unusual criminals and rivals, there's intrigue including a group of sterile raiders who'd stolen his son and a subplot of newfound genetics.
-thom / thom W sR Rhose
( "we are all inmates in the same asylum, some of us are just better at bribing the guards" )
( "Who do I think I am? thom Wolfox sR Rhose, official slaveboy, SchmooGod of the MidWest, and RedKnight of Pattern - amongst other names, why?" )
( "Godfuck Me, Jesus!" )
( *breathe ... relax ... kill ... rinse ... repeat* )
( "In a previous life I was the engine block to a '56 chevy, I lost my heart to a Volkswagen Bus... er, wait - or was that a '57?" )
( "I may not be the brightest orange in this bag o'donuts, but I know vasoline when I smell it!" )
"Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave..."
"Oh, man. I'm sensing something very canadian about this place..."
"It's all true, god's an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow, and Midian is where the monsters live..."
Jax : "yay for you, do you want a cookie or a bozo button?"