Random is beauty.
My ballet shoes reek. I just finished watching the VH1 show, Kept. It's the only reality TV show I like other than America's Next Top Model. I want to go online shoe shopping really bad, but I have no money... I absolutely heart these sandals.
I think I've begun to actually enjoy ballet again, which is good for me, bad for my grandmother's pocket book. I'm really excited about getting my new leotard and toe pads in the mail, and can't wait for my pineapple fiesta lights to arrive. I miss lots of people right now. I cried during and after viewing the movie 'Here on Earth' starring Lee Lee Sobieski, Chris Kline, and Josh Hartnett. That movie made me think about how miserable I am. And the truth is... I'm not miserable. Completly satisfied with my life, that's not the truth either. Sure I wish things were other than they are... But I'm no god or 'all ruling power' and I can't change everything. Yes, I made some minor adjustments. I go to the gym every day now, and I'm really proud of myself for it. I've never done anything to really help me, Diana, and I'm glad I finally found the balls to do something great and worthwhile for my personal well-being. To be honest, I wish I had more friends. Yes of course, it's always the quality, not the quantity... But even the quality has dwindled. Maybe it's my fauly... Maybe I'm bitter...? Do I drive all my old friends away when really I think they're the ones who dislike me and don't refer to me as a friend anymore? I mean sometimes I really HATE being at washington. The crowd is hard for me. I miss my old friends. I always that I was flexible with change. Maybe I'm not. Which sort of pisses me off. I remember coming to brown barge in the sixth grade, arriving at this school with not a single decent friend from elementary school, and right away I made so many genuine (or at least I thought) friends. Then this year, it takes me like four months to get just a few friends and acquaintances. Maybe my standards are too high after being at brown barge, I'm not sure. I thought it was because I spoke my mind, or wasn't afraid to voice my opinion. I really don't know why high pretty much sucked (other than a handful of fun moments) this year for me... I'm hoping and trying to make sure it's better this year. Again, all my 'old' BBMS friends.... I really do miss you all.... A LOT.
I really want to go to the beach, right now. Last night, I was lying on my back, trying really hard to get to sleep, I had like a mini-epiphany. Sort of. Not really. I just decided that it would be an awesome idea to run away from home to the beach on friday after going to the gym. I decided I would spend all of friday walking to the beach, then arriving there at around sunset time, I would take about two hours to meditate and gather my thoughts, and then settle to sleep. The coming morning, I thought I should partake in some relaxing yoga, some more meditation, and then some much needed swimming alone time. My day again would end with meditation at sunset, then another round of sleep. The next morning, I'd do so more yoga, then pack up my things and embark on the 'perilous' journey home. I tried to figure how I'd get away with it all without getting into shitloads of trouble or completely freaking out my family, especially my mother and grandmother. Nothing came to me. But I think I've come to a concrete conclusion, that before this summer is complete, I will do as stated above, and thoroughly enjoy myself, a lot.
Anyways... Again, people I really want to go to thursday's in the square this thursday... I want people to meet me at the Pensacola Cultural Center at around 3:45, have a relaxing yet sunny/sweltering hot day downtown, and then chill and listen to whatever arrives in the square. Oh pretty please people, accompany me... Regardless, I think I've constructed the longest entry on my entire lj, am semi-proud, and will be off for the evening... Smelling my dirty ballet shoes/feet and waiting for my mother to get home. Peace you all, I trully love you. <3 forever and ever and ever...............................................................................................
Diana.
I think I've begun to actually enjoy ballet again, which is good for me, bad for my grandmother's pocket book. I'm really excited about getting my new leotard and toe pads in the mail, and can't wait for my pineapple fiesta lights to arrive. I miss lots of people right now. I cried during and after viewing the movie 'Here on Earth' starring Lee Lee Sobieski, Chris Kline, and Josh Hartnett. That movie made me think about how miserable I am. And the truth is... I'm not miserable. Completly satisfied with my life, that's not the truth either. Sure I wish things were other than they are... But I'm no god or 'all ruling power' and I can't change everything. Yes, I made some minor adjustments. I go to the gym every day now, and I'm really proud of myself for it. I've never done anything to really help me, Diana, and I'm glad I finally found the balls to do something great and worthwhile for my personal well-being. To be honest, I wish I had more friends. Yes of course, it's always the quality, not the quantity... But even the quality has dwindled. Maybe it's my fauly... Maybe I'm bitter...? Do I drive all my old friends away when really I think they're the ones who dislike me and don't refer to me as a friend anymore? I mean sometimes I really HATE being at washington. The crowd is hard for me. I miss my old friends. I always that I was flexible with change. Maybe I'm not. Which sort of pisses me off. I remember coming to brown barge in the sixth grade, arriving at this school with not a single decent friend from elementary school, and right away I made so many genuine (or at least I thought) friends. Then this year, it takes me like four months to get just a few friends and acquaintances. Maybe my standards are too high after being at brown barge, I'm not sure. I thought it was because I spoke my mind, or wasn't afraid to voice my opinion. I really don't know why high pretty much sucked (other than a handful of fun moments) this year for me... I'm hoping and trying to make sure it's better this year. Again, all my 'old' BBMS friends.... I really do miss you all.... A LOT.
I really want to go to the beach, right now. Last night, I was lying on my back, trying really hard to get to sleep, I had like a mini-epiphany. Sort of. Not really. I just decided that it would be an awesome idea to run away from home to the beach on friday after going to the gym. I decided I would spend all of friday walking to the beach, then arriving there at around sunset time, I would take about two hours to meditate and gather my thoughts, and then settle to sleep. The coming morning, I thought I should partake in some relaxing yoga, some more meditation, and then some much needed swimming alone time. My day again would end with meditation at sunset, then another round of sleep. The next morning, I'd do so more yoga, then pack up my things and embark on the 'perilous' journey home. I tried to figure how I'd get away with it all without getting into shitloads of trouble or completely freaking out my family, especially my mother and grandmother. Nothing came to me. But I think I've come to a concrete conclusion, that before this summer is complete, I will do as stated above, and thoroughly enjoy myself, a lot.
Anyways... Again, people I really want to go to thursday's in the square this thursday... I want people to meet me at the Pensacola Cultural Center at around 3:45, have a relaxing yet sunny/sweltering hot day downtown, and then chill and listen to whatever arrives in the square. Oh pretty please people, accompany me... Regardless, I think I've constructed the longest entry on my entire lj, am semi-proud, and will be off for the evening... Smelling my dirty ballet shoes/feet and waiting for my mother to get home. Peace you all, I trully love you. <3 forever and ever and ever...............................................................................................
Diana.