poor man wanna be rich! rich man wanna be king! etcetera!
you know how when you like someone, you sort of pull punches with them? maybe let them walk all over you? maybe don't speak up when you disagree with them? etcetera etcetera?
i am practicing not doing this anymore. i can't tell if i am doing it when it counts, or practicing to do it when it counts. i'm not sure if i just think of her as a punching bag now, if i don't care anymore and will say what i think because what is she going to do? stop talking to me? please. shoot. put me out of my fucking misery. or. is she still my sounding board? do i still think she understands everything i say without having to explain it? do i practice on her before approving myself for general (unsafe) consumption?
who knows?
all i know is, anything she asked me, i'd answer honestly. no matter what it was. i would tell her anything she wanted to know.
perhaps, one day, i will learn to stand up for myself at work.
this is doubtful.
this is not something poor people do. we just take it in the interest of not getting any poorer and are grateful for everyday our bosses walk all over us.
in the wake of the current terrible weather, i thought of calling in sick. this actually may not just be an excuse; my throat has hurt since the weekend, but it's nothing i can't get the fuck over. and i came to one single conclusion which i despise but cannot help but recognize the truthiness of: i do not take sick days. other people take sick days, and i cover for them when they do it. in the last howeverthehell many years since i started working, no matter how shitty i have felt, i have gone to work. everyday. i have taken one day off, and it was the day after i got hit by a car. actually, two days. one was to go to court. but the two were related.
if you ever wondered why i felt like bruce springsteen really knew what he was talking about when he wrote "the promised land", you don't have to wonder anymore. explode, and blow this whole town apart. really. fuck yeah.
on a partially related note, holy shit the grapes of wrath may or may not be the best book ever written. i don't know if i believe this, but damn it's completely blowing my mind with how good it is and holy shit steinbeck, you are clearly the man! i will have to read your other novels! not of mice and men. oh god, there's this one part where he is describing a nickel in a jukebox and he says something like how this nickel, unlike most other money, has actually worked and served a purpose. it made a record play. it was not useless. it should exist. obviously, it was written better, but seriously i could hardly "deal" when i read that part. it was so good.
i am not done with this book yet. i am reading it at the bookstore on mondays, wednesdays, fridays. i am maybe halfway through.
and bruce springsteen is so queer what the fuck! see: "wild billy's circus story", possibly "spirit in the night", and the "born to run" video. wherein there is clearly some making out. ha!
if anyone is interested, my gas was turned back on today. i can now 1)cook 2)shower 3)raise my core temperature above sixty degrees. yeah, hypothermia, what up? we? are not buds. you can suck it!
i am practicing not doing this anymore. i can't tell if i am doing it when it counts, or practicing to do it when it counts. i'm not sure if i just think of her as a punching bag now, if i don't care anymore and will say what i think because what is she going to do? stop talking to me? please. shoot. put me out of my fucking misery. or. is she still my sounding board? do i still think she understands everything i say without having to explain it? do i practice on her before approving myself for general (unsafe) consumption?
who knows?
all i know is, anything she asked me, i'd answer honestly. no matter what it was. i would tell her anything she wanted to know.
perhaps, one day, i will learn to stand up for myself at work.
this is doubtful.
this is not something poor people do. we just take it in the interest of not getting any poorer and are grateful for everyday our bosses walk all over us.
in the wake of the current terrible weather, i thought of calling in sick. this actually may not just be an excuse; my throat has hurt since the weekend, but it's nothing i can't get the fuck over. and i came to one single conclusion which i despise but cannot help but recognize the truthiness of: i do not take sick days. other people take sick days, and i cover for them when they do it. in the last howeverthehell many years since i started working, no matter how shitty i have felt, i have gone to work. everyday. i have taken one day off, and it was the day after i got hit by a car. actually, two days. one was to go to court. but the two were related.
if you ever wondered why i felt like bruce springsteen really knew what he was talking about when he wrote "the promised land", you don't have to wonder anymore. explode, and blow this whole town apart. really. fuck yeah.
on a partially related note, holy shit the grapes of wrath may or may not be the best book ever written. i don't know if i believe this, but damn it's completely blowing my mind with how good it is and holy shit steinbeck, you are clearly the man! i will have to read your other novels! not of mice and men. oh god, there's this one part where he is describing a nickel in a jukebox and he says something like how this nickel, unlike most other money, has actually worked and served a purpose. it made a record play. it was not useless. it should exist. obviously, it was written better, but seriously i could hardly "deal" when i read that part. it was so good.
i am not done with this book yet. i am reading it at the bookstore on mondays, wednesdays, fridays. i am maybe halfway through.
and bruce springsteen is so queer what the fuck! see: "wild billy's circus story", possibly "spirit in the night", and the "born to run" video. wherein there is clearly some making out. ha!
if anyone is interested, my gas was turned back on today. i can now 1)cook 2)shower 3)raise my core temperature above sixty degrees. yeah, hypothermia, what up? we? are not buds. you can suck it!