(no subject)
Wow.
Today has not been very good.
I'm in that emotional wreck state again.
I woke up from a nap tonight, and everything sort of went to crap. I don't know why I even turned it to that station; I should know that country music does not agree with my recent mood. I hear "Miss Me Baby," and some other sad song. Then he calls. Why did he call? I was sort of in shock because I hadn't seen his name on my phone in a while. It hurt. I can't help it. I already feel guilty or something. It's offically over today. Like, talked about. No email. No middle-man. We talked about it. And it hurt. It feels like I don't exist now, when just a few months ago I was a big part of his life. I hate that this still bothers me. It's going to though. I know this is for the best, I know that. But that doesn't mean that I won't still be sad.
I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah
And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday
I needed that to be here one more time.
I haven't been to church in a few weeks. He knew why. I feel guilty for that, too. It's not like I'm not going back. I'll be back. I just need this time away. Maybe that sounds bad. Maybe I should be thinking about these things at church. But if I went, all I would think about would be him because he would be right there. :sigh: I'm so confused.
But then the past week has been such a great week. I've had so much fun hanging out. And I do like him. I hope I'm not this disappointment I think I'm going to be.
This is just a little bit difficult.
My hours at work are shot. I'm getting like eight.
My aunt is doing horrible in the hospital and my Mom says she doesn't know if she'll make it through next weekend.
My Mom has to go to the doctor tomorrow for her foot. I hope she doesn't have to have surgery.
I'm failing English. And probably Math, Psychology, and Communications, too.
I wish I could drive.
I feel like everyone is mad at me. I feel like I'm fourteen again.
I need to get out of here.