(no subject)
I havn't updated here in forever. I tried to "recover" but now i'm like...screw healthy. I havn't b/ped in over four weeks :) Today is the anniversary of the day I began purging.
Well, tomorrow is November 1. It's perfect. The month beginning on a Monday, the first day of the week. Just how I see things, perfect month to really start fresh.
Lately I've been having one meal a day totally 300-400 calories. That's A LOT in one meal. All of a sudden it hurts to sit, I'm constantly freezing, and dizzy. Everyone says "you're too skinny" "is everything ok" "you look sick (pale)" "you're just skin and bones" No I'm not. I have all this fat on me. I used to not be able to wrap my hands around my thighs (above the knee) with my middle fingers to thumbs, now I can do it pinky to thumb. That means there IS a differnce but I don't believe it. I don't believe the scale. I don't believe anything. I'm too scared to even smell food. Technically the smell of food must have calories. The particals carry through the air. I had a panick attack at a party because I smelled food. I sat all night eating my ice chips and gulping water. I went to the bathroom like 5 times lol, I'm sure everyone thought I was crazy.
I'm fasting for one or two weeks (we'll see how it goes).
BREAKFAST- shot of liquid vitamins + shot of applejuice, 16oz greentea = 60
LUNCH- SF Redbull, 12oz water = 10
SHOOL- 16oz water
CAR- 16oz water
SNACK- SF Redbull = 10
DINNER- 16oz green tea, ice chips
OTHER- 32oz water, ice chips
TOTAL CALS- 80
TOTAL OZ- 106
EXERCISE- walk 2.2 miles in my neighborhood
PILLS- diurex, guifenasin, relacore, stacker, green tea
My aunt actually reccommended a short SF Redbull fast but doesn't know how long I'll be doing it. Go figure.
November 1 FAST
November 2 FAST
November 3 FAST
November 4 FAST
November 5 FAST
November 6 FAST
November 7 break it with a piece of fruit and salad
November 8 I join my friend on a plan of fruit, then a salad with small can of tuna totaling about 200 cals a day
STATS
CW- 115
STG- 100
LTG- 88 OR 80
I need to find ways of hiding the weightloss and to warm up without looking fat. I swear i'm going to get hypothermia in my school. I need things to tell my friend at lunch since she knows about my past.
Well, tomorrow is November 1. It's perfect. The month beginning on a Monday, the first day of the week. Just how I see things, perfect month to really start fresh.
Lately I've been having one meal a day totally 300-400 calories. That's A LOT in one meal. All of a sudden it hurts to sit, I'm constantly freezing, and dizzy. Everyone says "you're too skinny" "is everything ok" "you look sick (pale)" "you're just skin and bones" No I'm not. I have all this fat on me. I used to not be able to wrap my hands around my thighs (above the knee) with my middle fingers to thumbs, now I can do it pinky to thumb. That means there IS a differnce but I don't believe it. I don't believe the scale. I don't believe anything. I'm too scared to even smell food. Technically the smell of food must have calories. The particals carry through the air. I had a panick attack at a party because I smelled food. I sat all night eating my ice chips and gulping water. I went to the bathroom like 5 times lol, I'm sure everyone thought I was crazy.
I'm fasting for one or two weeks (we'll see how it goes).
BREAKFAST- shot of liquid vitamins + shot of applejuice, 16oz greentea = 60
LUNCH- SF Redbull, 12oz water = 10
SHOOL- 16oz water
CAR- 16oz water
SNACK- SF Redbull = 10
DINNER- 16oz green tea, ice chips
OTHER- 32oz water, ice chips
TOTAL CALS- 80
TOTAL OZ- 106
EXERCISE- walk 2.2 miles in my neighborhood
PILLS- diurex, guifenasin, relacore, stacker, green tea
My aunt actually reccommended a short SF Redbull fast but doesn't know how long I'll be doing it. Go figure.
November 1 FAST
November 2 FAST
November 3 FAST
November 4 FAST
November 5 FAST
November 6 FAST
November 7 break it with a piece of fruit and salad
November 8 I join my friend on a plan of fruit, then a salad with small can of tuna totaling about 200 cals a day
STATS
CW- 115
STG- 100
LTG- 88 OR 80
I need to find ways of hiding the weightloss and to warm up without looking fat. I swear i'm going to get hypothermia in my school. I need things to tell my friend at lunch since she knows about my past.