(no subject)
Today wasn't good. Neither was last night. I b/ped twice yesterday. Stayed up ALL night and went to bed at 6:30 this morning. Woke up at 10:30 and still awake. Insomnia has hit hard.
Intake for today:
some fruit - 100
grapes - 100? (purged)
spinach - 50
green beans - 50
random veggies - 50 (purged)
apple sauce (my binge) 360 (purged it)
grapefruit juice - 90 (purged)
WOULD BE TOTAL: 750
TOTAL: 150
It's never been this much. My face is SO puffy, stomach neaceous, throat burns, eyes watery. Emotionally I'm a wreck and manic at the same time. Last night/this morning I cleaned the whole basement, did all my homeowrk (except the thing due tomorrow of course), planned out scheduals and food intake and or purge (pathetic that i'm planning that now isn't it!?).
The past few days I've been hyper, high, manic, and happy which i'm afraid of. I know I'll crash and who knows when so the happiness scares me. At this point I wish i didn't have to deal with food and wish I were gone but I'm not suicidal at the moment. A very strange combo.
I feel like a fat monster. I finally got brave and got on MY scale Saturday morning and it said : 120.6
Tomorrow I'm probably goign to be 125 after this weekend.
I hate weekends, I REALLY DO!
After a bad day I usually have the "ana" mindset of "fuck food, throw it out, get YOUR refrigerator empty so you have no choice, it's just a week without food, you can do it, you deserve it."
No matter WHAT my plan is i'm staying on my Elimination Diet for 8 weeks to make sure i'm not allergic to anything. Day one of that is successful.
This week's plan is supposedly:
Breakfast - smart water 125
6 strawberries 21
4 1" pineapple chunks 15
Lunch - 10 baby carrots 70
Dinner - steamed veggies 120
TOTAL - 350
I have a big project I'm working on that'll mean I'm burnging calories b/c i'll be building and it's outside in the nice weather. I don't know how many calories it'll burn though.
Oh, ALL Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays mean no food from now on.
Intake for today:
some fruit - 100
grapes - 100? (purged)
spinach - 50
green beans - 50
random veggies - 50 (purged)
apple sauce (my binge) 360 (purged it)
grapefruit juice - 90 (purged)
WOULD BE TOTAL: 750
TOTAL: 150
It's never been this much. My face is SO puffy, stomach neaceous, throat burns, eyes watery. Emotionally I'm a wreck and manic at the same time. Last night/this morning I cleaned the whole basement, did all my homeowrk (except the thing due tomorrow of course), planned out scheduals and food intake and or purge (pathetic that i'm planning that now isn't it!?).
The past few days I've been hyper, high, manic, and happy which i'm afraid of. I know I'll crash and who knows when so the happiness scares me. At this point I wish i didn't have to deal with food and wish I were gone but I'm not suicidal at the moment. A very strange combo.
I feel like a fat monster. I finally got brave and got on MY scale Saturday morning and it said : 120.6
Tomorrow I'm probably goign to be 125 after this weekend.
I hate weekends, I REALLY DO!
After a bad day I usually have the "ana" mindset of "fuck food, throw it out, get YOUR refrigerator empty so you have no choice, it's just a week without food, you can do it, you deserve it."
No matter WHAT my plan is i'm staying on my Elimination Diet for 8 weeks to make sure i'm not allergic to anything. Day one of that is successful.
This week's plan is supposedly:
Breakfast - smart water 125
6 strawberries 21
4 1" pineapple chunks 15
Lunch - 10 baby carrots 70
Dinner - steamed veggies 120
TOTAL - 350
I have a big project I'm working on that'll mean I'm burnging calories b/c i'll be building and it's outside in the nice weather. I don't know how many calories it'll burn though.
Oh, ALL Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays mean no food from now on.