The battle goes onward.
I really should be posting my New Year resolutions, but I just need to rant a little.
About my OCD.
No one ever says it's going to be that hard, and I mean, people can have diffrent levels, diffrent types, of OCD.
But it really is, that hard.
Especially the O of the ocd, which is the obsessions, the intrusive thoughts.
How many false negative thoughts can be put in your head, that you'll start obsessing over because you wondered why you ever had it in the first place, because you forget you have ocd, and instead of telling yourself it's simply not true, not real, not you, your ocd can make you believe it is.
I get worried that I'll get on that level someday, that I'll lose everything I love, people I really love..
But then I remember I am better then this, I just need to get in control again.
I need to get in control again.
Which means, I need to find at least some moments of the day where I don't feel stress.
Because stress fuels depression and anxiety, which in turn fuels ocd and it's obsessions and compulsions, which just fuels more anxiety and depression, a deadly cycle.
I was getting better for awhile, but this Holiday season (as fun as it was), hit me hard with several things. Money, our lease being up, travel, moving, ect.
Then on top of trying to be perfect at work so they'll want to keep me.
I feel like I need a break..
I want to go to like.. Seattle. With my fiance. Maybe even my room-mates too. And just have a day of relaxing fun. See the market. Walk around. Maybe go on that new scary ass Ferris Wheel.
It feels good writing it all down though, makes me realize how stupid I been for letting ocd get to me lately, but I suppose that is why it's a medical condition.
Someday I'll overcome it. It's coming soon
Another post later today for New Year Resolutions!! :)
Hope everyone is having a nice and safe day/night!! <