Again, don't read this unless you care, cause it's mostly pointless rant to get it all out.
I hate anxiety. I hate OCD. I hate having a hard time sleeping. I hate Nightmares.
No I don't want to see someone.
It's not like I won't be told things I was told before.
I just am tired of feeling like shit lately.
Most of my anxiety issues are coming from stress, from just about everything.
Friends, family, money, my life.
I hate the empty feeling.. like I am doing nothing with my life..
I miss not worrying about shit, and being able to see and talk with friends, and feeling like I was getting somewhere..
I miss not suddenly feeling like I need to cry..
Lately I just feel.. fat.. stuck.. I want to do photoshoots, and write my books, then I start and I lose the motivation..
And then I feel like, you know, I bother everyone, which I know isn't true but I still hate that feeling..
And probably ALL OF THIS I AM FEELING is just PMS, because usually it is, and then it will go for a week, then I'll be all ok again, right? Because that's how it goes. That's womanhood.. or human.. whatever..
And now I am just pouring out my feelings like an idiot, because really, I don't have anyone I can do this too. I don't want to bother my mother with it, or my friends, or my fiance.. I mean, maybe if a friend were actually willing to listen to MY issues for once instead of vice-versa, then sure.
But then who? I only have two friends near me, their always busy. I sure as helll don't want to bother my distant best friends..
I just.. idk.. Ranting like this makes me feel a bit better. Maybe I just needed a good rant or cry to get all the stress of my chest for a bit..
I'll put the next Theme up soon.. promise..
I am going to go take a walk.
Hope everyone else is having a nice and safe day/night..