(no subject)
Well her eis the beginning of an update, its 12:15 AM and Ive gotta go check work at 12:30 or 1 so I dont have too much time.
A lot has changed, nad then again not all that much at all.
Im in Virginia now workign at a fish Hatchery down here under the same boss I worked for in Alaska. Im living with him and his wife adn kid, I appreciate there hospitality adn they are all great people, but being 22 I long for a home of my own, a whole hosue that is mine to be in alone, Im no hermit, but I do have to say that I enjoy being alone. And the age gap is harder too, he and his wife are 11 years older then me. Im always ready to be doing something ( partially because I never sleep anymroe but Ill get into that more later in the post) But I dunno Im lonly as hell too for some regular old friends, not that I have ever had many close ones but Im lonly. hell I doubt any of my old friends would bother talking to me anymore, none of us has made any effort to contact eachother, me to them or them to me. SO I have left it at that. Adn there it will stay I suppose.
Then again Im not exactly a normal guy either people tell me that off adn on and Im like yeah pretty much. Im not your average 22 year old, Im polite, and not just to your face but all the time. I tend not to be obsessed with sex, I have respect for most people unless they loose it. Im jsut differnt, Im still massivly shy, Im quiet reserved adn jsut ...... differetn, or as my boss told me a little bit off in the head. I suppose that fits it quite well.
Still depressed adn still having to deal twith the things that have long haunted me that go with it. But Im alive still, still breathing and still going. Every day is still pretty much a fight for me to get through and to function. It isnt easy, hell its really hard. Im still strgulling, but trying to get some money in so maybe I can afford soem health insurance to get soem help again but that will be told in time.
My truck is still running for the most part although it has its own issues.....
I havent slept much, if any latly, 2-3 hours a night if I am lucky, Ive been checking the dams for work at night adn still doing the day shift. With a little kid around 1/5 year old (my boss's) and 3 dogs, trying to sleep past 7 AM is dam next to impossible so Ive been struggling on, barely but Im still going.
I dunno things arnt great for me here but at leaste I have a job and a house over my head to say something positive, but on the negative side things need to change for the better here soon, real soon.
Could jsut use to talk to someone other than my gf ove rthe phone, would be nice to talk to someone face to face that I would consider a friend.
Me and my gf? Im not gonna get to see her till spring if Im lucky, I care for her a hell of a lot adn it hurts to be this far off, I trust her but doubt always tries to push its way in..... I miss her.
I think I am jsut lonly depressed adn need sleep and things would be a lot better
A lot has changed, nad then again not all that much at all.
Im in Virginia now workign at a fish Hatchery down here under the same boss I worked for in Alaska. Im living with him and his wife adn kid, I appreciate there hospitality adn they are all great people, but being 22 I long for a home of my own, a whole hosue that is mine to be in alone, Im no hermit, but I do have to say that I enjoy being alone. And the age gap is harder too, he and his wife are 11 years older then me. Im always ready to be doing something ( partially because I never sleep anymroe but Ill get into that more later in the post) But I dunno Im lonly as hell too for some regular old friends, not that I have ever had many close ones but Im lonly. hell I doubt any of my old friends would bother talking to me anymore, none of us has made any effort to contact eachother, me to them or them to me. SO I have left it at that. Adn there it will stay I suppose.
Then again Im not exactly a normal guy either people tell me that off adn on and Im like yeah pretty much. Im not your average 22 year old, Im polite, and not just to your face but all the time. I tend not to be obsessed with sex, I have respect for most people unless they loose it. Im jsut differnt, Im still massivly shy, Im quiet reserved adn jsut ...... differetn, or as my boss told me a little bit off in the head. I suppose that fits it quite well.
Still depressed adn still having to deal twith the things that have long haunted me that go with it. But Im alive still, still breathing and still going. Every day is still pretty much a fight for me to get through and to function. It isnt easy, hell its really hard. Im still strgulling, but trying to get some money in so maybe I can afford soem health insurance to get soem help again but that will be told in time.
My truck is still running for the most part although it has its own issues.....
I havent slept much, if any latly, 2-3 hours a night if I am lucky, Ive been checking the dams for work at night adn still doing the day shift. With a little kid around 1/5 year old (my boss's) and 3 dogs, trying to sleep past 7 AM is dam next to impossible so Ive been struggling on, barely but Im still going.
I dunno things arnt great for me here but at leaste I have a job and a house over my head to say something positive, but on the negative side things need to change for the better here soon, real soon.
Could jsut use to talk to someone other than my gf ove rthe phone, would be nice to talk to someone face to face that I would consider a friend.
Me and my gf? Im not gonna get to see her till spring if Im lucky, I care for her a hell of a lot adn it hurts to be this far off, I trust her but doubt always tries to push its way in..... I miss her.
I think I am jsut lonly depressed adn need sleep and things would be a lot better