though my case looks fatal, i'm still hoping better angels will come to my need.
i've wanted to update this thing in a way that feels real. i've also wanted to just delete the damn thing. both are hard. there are so many things i have done. things i have felt. things i have wanted to share. it's easier said than done. it's easier to live in the moment. to think of the neuances as the are occuring than to kill myself recording them. but sometimes i want to get it all down and i don't.
this past saturday was amazing and it never meant to be. it was a day of sleeping in and sun coming in through the window, hitting your eyes because your blinds betrayed you. i went biking with ocean on the cutest path ever, followe by the cutest library i've seen in along while. winter bushes and flowing rivers and a view of things to come, it was pretty spectacular. after i left ocean, i hoped back on my bike and rode. through every side street my campus has to offer, listening to all the good songs i've heard in a long while. thinking the thoughts i sometimes i don't let myself think. and i think of her, my mother, sometimes i feel bad thinking of her. time will do that, assign guilt where there really ought to not be any. Anyway it was a perfect weather day, it reminded me of a cold day that pops up out of nowhere in the summer. the kind of weather you say you hate, but really you welcome because it's a relief. and i just rode in loops twisting in and out of dark roads til i was numb.
im getting a tattoo on sunday. below the elbow, breaking my own rule. i need to re-claim my body, because sometimes i feel like it's betrayed me. more accurately i feel like i've betrayed it. ocean has presented the idea of taking a picture in the naked issue of the independent (a weekly campus wide i write for.) i am both tempted and scared.
this past saturday was amazing and it never meant to be. it was a day of sleeping in and sun coming in through the window, hitting your eyes because your blinds betrayed you. i went biking with ocean on the cutest path ever, followe by the cutest library i've seen in along while. winter bushes and flowing rivers and a view of things to come, it was pretty spectacular. after i left ocean, i hoped back on my bike and rode. through every side street my campus has to offer, listening to all the good songs i've heard in a long while. thinking the thoughts i sometimes i don't let myself think. and i think of her, my mother, sometimes i feel bad thinking of her. time will do that, assign guilt where there really ought to not be any. Anyway it was a perfect weather day, it reminded me of a cold day that pops up out of nowhere in the summer. the kind of weather you say you hate, but really you welcome because it's a relief. and i just rode in loops twisting in and out of dark roads til i was numb.
im getting a tattoo on sunday. below the elbow, breaking my own rule. i need to re-claim my body, because sometimes i feel like it's betrayed me. more accurately i feel like i've betrayed it. ocean has presented the idea of taking a picture in the naked issue of the independent (a weekly campus wide i write for.) i am both tempted and scared.