Fly
I've seen this before. I've felt all of it at one time or another. Yet it always catches me offguard. Always, the ache hits me with surprising force. This smile is always plastered here just for you. Just for you too see. Down, down, and further. Reach where no one ever finds it, where it is safe until now. Pull it up, roll it over my fingertips. Press it into my palms, squeeze it tight into my hands to try to warm it up. It is frosting with cold, frigid hate. Press it to my lips, feel the tingle of shame. Taste it with the tip of my tongue. Just a taste, just a taste. Pull it in, press it to the roof of my mouth, smooth it over my teeth. Swallow deep, trickling down my throat with icey calm. Filling my stomache, spreading through my gut. Weigh me down. Heavy, heavier, and still more. Still, I lie here safe and cold, curling for warmth as I happily guard this and press it deeper into myself. Curl it in, hold it into me. Never release, only put aside for a moment or two to smile for you.