Stan
I miss Stan ...
I wish there was some way I could make him understand that I never meant to make him feel like shit.
Fuck!
I went up to him today and spoke to him (but of course nothing solved) .. had to head back to my desk and he went to Nabeel's (Ains was there too, he was in for a bit & left with N). I did my thing and was heading back to his desk when I bumped into Sharmila and I started crying.
I've even cut down on smoking (actually yesterday and today just had one cig) - yes I'm doing this for Stan. I want to do anything and everything that would get us to be good again.
Its just so incomplete not having to talk to him or see him and even annoy him like I usually do. I'd call him at around 12 pm pretty much everyday .. see him when he gets in at 3 or so and we chill with coffee at his cubicle for like what seems like a few mins (BUT NEVER IS!!!). And stopping by at 5 for a bit till Niamh leaves and final stop at 7 and just staying there till my ride is here ... making him laugh with my BS ... calling him before heading to bed, even otherwise .. printing out lyrics from Bobben's pc (Bobben sits behind Stan and is on leave), highlighting the lines that remind me of Nabeel and passing them to Stan ...
And again, Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
He's not himself when I'm around now and I hate it. I dont think I'll be hooking up with the gang on Thursday.
I wish there was some way I could make him understand that I never meant to make him feel like shit.
Fuck!
I went up to him today and spoke to him (but of course nothing solved) .. had to head back to my desk and he went to Nabeel's (Ains was there too, he was in for a bit & left with N). I did my thing and was heading back to his desk when I bumped into Sharmila and I started crying.
I've even cut down on smoking (actually yesterday and today just had one cig) - yes I'm doing this for Stan. I want to do anything and everything that would get us to be good again.
Its just so incomplete not having to talk to him or see him and even annoy him like I usually do. I'd call him at around 12 pm pretty much everyday .. see him when he gets in at 3 or so and we chill with coffee at his cubicle for like what seems like a few mins (BUT NEVER IS!!!). And stopping by at 5 for a bit till Niamh leaves and final stop at 7 and just staying there till my ride is here ... making him laugh with my BS ... calling him before heading to bed, even otherwise .. printing out lyrics from Bobben's pc (Bobben sits behind Stan and is on leave), highlighting the lines that remind me of Nabeel and passing them to Stan ...
And again, Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
He's not himself when I'm around now and I hate it. I dont think I'll be hooking up with the gang on Thursday.