I want it to happen. I really do. He means so much ♥ ... but I'm afraid
I had a really bad dream about Richie last night. I went to see him .. surprise him. He opened the door in his robe and he didn’t look happy to see me and then I heard -her- voice …
I had this other dream where I was having a blood test and this morning when I was taking a shower I stretched when I was taking off my top and I felt a sharp pain in my arm (front side of the elbow where they usually stick the injection) and there was like this gluey thing like a plaster was removed from there :-/
I don’t understand what this means :-/ I hope it doesn’t mean anything.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel like … I don’t know how else to say this … I don’t know if I want to meet Richie … or more he doesn’t want to meet me. After all I've been through after all I've said and done … I feel he knows too much about me now that he prolly thinks I'm this sad sad person he doesn’t want to know anymore and that I'm not the girl he went out with that night.
Chris (ex) hardly knew anything about me .. about how I felt .. I wasn’t able to tell him anything. I wanted him to know but I didn’t know how to tell him. I knew a lot about him though. [And I should damn stop comparing them].
When I met Richie I fell in love with the person that he was .. I barely knew him but what he showed me that night .. how he carried himself it was wow. I liked that I was very comfortable with him … I opened up to him. When I feel people are getting to know me a little too well I shield myself from them but I didn’t do that with Richie. I wanted him to know how I feel about things .. about him. I like how he is .. mature but also has this -naughty/ devilish- side that I really like.
What have I done?! I've ruined everything :(
He was the best thing to have happened to me this year. I wanted to believe this year would be so much better than 2004. I didn’t really think that anything like this could happen to us … things happened and I don’t know why I didn't stop. I fell and I fell really hard.
I wish I could turn back time and change everything … maybe even change the asking out bit as well … I would ask him out and that too much earlier!
I'm really sad that we haven’t met and may prolly never not meet (at least not anytime soon) … he is a very important person in my life and I am so glad I know him. I would hate for anything bad to happen to him. He is one of those people who has made a difference in my life.
I feel everything important in my life is drifting away has drifted away …
I'm constantly worrying & stressing & thinking about how much better my life would be if certain things were different.
I just so badly want a new start. I want to meet new people & make new friends. Sometimes I feel like I prolly wouldn’t be able to be what I really want to be after being the way I am for so long.
New start … new people … new me … I want need to re-invent myself.
I wish for you a thousand times everyday but it's not enough.
You're everything I need & everything I want …
**EDIT**
Striked stuff .. editted! Gosh wtf do I think this way! I hate being so bloody negative!
I want to be strong … I really do.
I'm letting my negative thoughts control me.
I had this other dream where I was having a blood test and this morning when I was taking a shower I stretched when I was taking off my top and I felt a sharp pain in my arm (front side of the elbow where they usually stick the injection) and there was like this gluey thing like a plaster was removed from there :-/
I don’t understand what this means :-/ I hope it doesn’t mean anything.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel like … I don’t know how else to say this … I don’t know if I want to meet Richie … or more he doesn’t want to meet me. After all I've been through after all I've said and done … I feel he knows too much about me now that he prolly thinks I'm this sad sad person he doesn’t want to know anymore and that I'm not the girl he went out with that night.
Chris (ex) hardly knew anything about me .. about how I felt .. I wasn’t able to tell him anything. I wanted him to know but I didn’t know how to tell him. I knew a lot about him though. [And I should damn stop comparing them].
When I met Richie I fell in love with the person that he was .. I barely knew him but what he showed me that night .. how he carried himself it was wow. I liked that I was very comfortable with him … I opened up to him. When I feel people are getting to know me a little too well I shield myself from them but I didn’t do that with Richie. I wanted him to know how I feel about things .. about him. I like how he is .. mature but also has this -naughty/ devilish- side that I really like.
What have I done?! I've ruined everything :(
He was the best thing to have happened to me this year. I wanted to believe this year would be so much better than 2004. I didn’t really think that anything like this could happen to us … things happened and I don’t know why I didn't stop. I fell and I fell really hard.
I wish I could turn back time and change everything … maybe even change the asking out bit as well … I would ask him out and that too much earlier!
I'm really sad that we haven’t met and may prolly never not meet (at least not anytime soon) … he is a very important person in my life and I am so glad I know him. I would hate for anything bad to happen to him. He is one of those people who has made a difference in my life.
I feel everything important in my life is drifting away has drifted away …
I'm constantly worrying & stressing & thinking about how much better my life would be if certain things were different.
I just so badly want a new start. I want to meet new people & make new friends. Sometimes I feel like I prolly wouldn’t be able to be what I really want to be after being the way I am for so long.
New start … new people … new me … I want need to re-invent myself.
I wish for you a thousand times everyday but it's not enough.
You're everything I need & everything I want …
**EDIT**
Striked stuff .. editted! Gosh wtf do I think this way! I hate being so bloody negative!
I want to be strong … I really do.
I'm letting my negative thoughts control me.