(no subject)
Gene keeps slamming the front door and it's making me nervous. I wish he wasn't so angry all of the time, especially because there is no reason for his behavior. I can't decide if I want to stay here or move to Fresno, CA. I just want out so badly, i'm so close to being 18 I can fucking taste it. 5 months, 5 months, 5 months, 5 months, 5 months, 5 MONTHS!. It isn't close enough..
Tonite is graduation and I get to see everyone that I pretty much grew up with receive their diplomas, I kind of almost wish I could of been apart of that but, i'd much rather do things my own way. I'm glad that I did. But it is nice to see everyone fulfill their dream... well I don't know if that is their dream but whatever. They accomplished one goal.
I wish I was totally sober, smoking weed every now and then isn't horrible, but I still feel bad about it deep down inside, especially after Tanyas death and all, I just don't know what I want to do. How much do I enjoy smoking? a lot, but not enough to keep subsiding my guilty conscious and morals.
I really want to meet Bobby soooo badly, like really badly. He is the ideal guy for me, it just sounds kind of "wrong" because hes 21 and i'm 17 but, I like to consider myself 18, whatever I don't care, its just a number, and it isn't even a big age difference. I just hope all the plans fall through, I don't even care when and where we are as long as we could be together, and not even in a romantic sense, just to have a good friend around that like, completes me in a way. I don't know where i'm getting at with all of this, i'm just really bored and i'm anxious for tonight and I need to get ready.
I work 9-4 for the next two days, i'm not happy about that but, oh well..I actually like my job so I won't mind too much, "too" being the key word there. I hope bobby calls me tonight.
Tonite is graduation and I get to see everyone that I pretty much grew up with receive their diplomas, I kind of almost wish I could of been apart of that but, i'd much rather do things my own way. I'm glad that I did. But it is nice to see everyone fulfill their dream... well I don't know if that is their dream but whatever. They accomplished one goal.
I wish I was totally sober, smoking weed every now and then isn't horrible, but I still feel bad about it deep down inside, especially after Tanyas death and all, I just don't know what I want to do. How much do I enjoy smoking? a lot, but not enough to keep subsiding my guilty conscious and morals.
I really want to meet Bobby soooo badly, like really badly. He is the ideal guy for me, it just sounds kind of "wrong" because hes 21 and i'm 17 but, I like to consider myself 18, whatever I don't care, its just a number, and it isn't even a big age difference. I just hope all the plans fall through, I don't even care when and where we are as long as we could be together, and not even in a romantic sense, just to have a good friend around that like, completes me in a way. I don't know where i'm getting at with all of this, i'm just really bored and i'm anxious for tonight and I need to get ready.
I work 9-4 for the next two days, i'm not happy about that but, oh well..I actually like my job so I won't mind too much, "too" being the key word there. I hope bobby calls me tonight.