Mar 19, 2005 14:26
I am just trusting and pursuing God right now and it has been awesome. For once I am finally doing things right. Sure things have been going up and down for me but through the downs, I have just been praying, fasting, and trusting in the Lord. Looking at the past two years and all of the choices that I have made- sure I way regret some but it all happened for a reason and I have learned from all of my mistakes and it's brought me here. I know what I want and I know what I need my life. Right now I am seeking the Lord and I'm trying to find my purpose which leads to finding my destiny in Christ. Thinking about all of the friends and the (few but still) relationships that I had and all of that crap. I never did it right. I knew that but didn't want to admit it when I got myself into 2 relationships with non believers it just wasn't going to work out. I hate having to feel like I have to save everyone. I wish I could save people but I can't. Only God can save people. See but that's what I need in my life. I am so happy to have gotten closer and become like best friends with the kids at my church. Someone (they know who they are) told me a few months ago, "we are your real friends. We will be there 30 years from now- they won't." Exact opposite or what? I love Joel, Hillary, Joe and Sarah, Scott, and Nick. They are real friends so that statement that was made was entirely wrong, thank you very much. I have grown closer to everyone and I love it. I love going out and bowling or playing pool til like 2 or 3am. I love having plans and I love having people to talk to. Confidence (even fake confidence) helps a ton. People don't like people that put themselves down so I have been working on that. It's been awesome because during the times that I am discouraged, I have been getting totally awesome words spoken over me. Esther had confidence and faith so she walked in a room and acted like a queen. No she wasn't in denial but she had faith that one day all would be hers- and look what happened! I am just trusting in God's timing with things. Sure sometimes it's hard but I just have to keep my faith up. Hans is pretty happy with her new boy. I'm happy for her because hopefully he will help turn her around. I hope he's a keeper, I know she's really happy so I'm glad. As far as school goes... poop. I don't really care much about school as long as I get out of there. Cos. is almost done and boy what a relief! I know that I want to stay in the cosmetology feild I just don't know what I'm for sure wanting to do. Josh said it is way normal to be second guessing it and stuff. Josh is a good reassurance for these things because he went through it all. He reassured me that my dad is going to help me in the salon and be there and Joe too so I shouldn't be worried. Man it's awesome hearing from him. I miss him soooo much! I can not wait to see him and Manda! Nick and I are so excited just to see those guys. Only 3 more full days until we are headed down to Arizona and then California! I think that this is way better than having a stoops grad. party. Sure you get money but the amount that we are spending to go to Arizona and Cali is about the same amount I'd get at a party which I would not attend. Hmmm yep so things are going pretty well. Life, spring break, friends, family.