March 2009
On Sunday my boyfriend & I received news that the mother of a close friend of ours had passed away. This person was a childhood friend of my boyfriends and a high school friend of mine. We both knew his mother well & needless to say, we were very shocked & saddened by the news. It came as a surprise because we all thought her cancer had gone into remission, even her son. It later brought me to question the idea of knowing that your time is near, what must go on in someone's mind and in this case why she decided to keep the severity of her condition to herself. We went to see him yesterday for a few hours, to support him. We talked about life, reminisced on old memories & just laughed to alleviate sadness. I told him I'd always be there for him because his friendship is very dear to me & we promised to be more involved in each other's lives.
Later that night I began thinking about my mother back in Cuba whom I barely remember, it devastated me because although my father is my everything, I felt selfish because I don't even try to get in contact with her. I don't want it to ever be too late. I'd like her to know that I am doing well & that she is going to be a grandmother. I know she loves me and I know I've made her sad by not communicating with her throughout the years but I want her to know I love her just as much.
Today I spoke to my grandfather, who I never speak to & I let him know how I was. He congratulated me on the pregnancy & seemed so happy to hear from me, I took the opportunity to ask him when he was coming down from Pennsylvania and he told me very soon but he'd like to go to Cuba first, that is when I told him if he happens to speak to my mom or find out a way to get in contact with her to please let me know.
This whole situation has made me reflect on my own life & the relationships I carry with people. I want to make amends for all the times I've been so closed off & for the mistakes I've made. I speak to my father & stepmother everyday but I feel like I need to let more people who love me back into my life.
This experience has also taught me to spend more effort worrying about the important people in my life. To let go of trivial events and situations. I also have to forgive the people who I feel have wronged me...no one is perfect & I am no one to judge. We all pay the consquences of our actions in our own way. I am no one to throw that in anyone elses face. I know I have to let go & stop holding resentment for the things I cannot change.
Death is a deeply wounding event. I've had someone close to me pass & even after 15 years, I have not fully recovered from it.
But even then, death can also be a way to clearly see all the importance in your life.
Make amends for all your mistakes & move on, life is entirely too short live any less than to your full potential. Imporove the quality of your life & that of those around you.
"No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again & all shadows are chased away."
on to lighter things:
Virgo: Lis, you are about to achieve something you never thought you would. Be proud - and reward yourself.
the countdown to find out if my baby has xy or yy chromosomes continues: 10 days :)