In life
"He stared out at the stars...none of them said a word."
So..it rained today. I really hate the rain. Cain says he thinks the rain is beautiful.
i think it's a bunch of wet stuff...well...to make life miserable. I like the sun! I like warm sunny days with no clouds in the sky...a perfect blue sky.
That way...when night comes, you get to see all the stars you want and the moon shining brightly. When it rains..clouds are in the way..and if you are lucky..they go away by night fall.
I remember when i lived in Texas we had a horrible storm around 10 at night...and the power went out. When it was calm and you went outside..the moon shown so brightly that it was brighter outside than it was inside. That was a lucky night.
Well..my dreams of this other person has subsided for now...I had a few in a row actually. they happen occasianlly to oy with me reminding me of what i lost. That's okay though ^_^; I'm stronger now than i was back then. it was hard then ebcuase I only had me to push foward...it seemed everyone was on someone elses side. I always felt helpless. I still kinda feel helpless.
This I realize is me though.
I have this problem where I take things way too seriously and I take everything to heart.
If you ignore me..i feel hurt. Even if you don't mean it. I mean..i don't blame anyone..this is how I feel which is stupid. I am very emotional which I hate. I don't think the world is against me...sometimes I think it's having fun with me...
I read some journal entries I made at home in the journal I used to keep. it was amazing the things I did for a stupid guy.
People thought it was only a crush..people said I was stupid..maybe I was...but if you knew the things we did together...the way we felt...the way we still look at eachother sometimes..it wasn't a crush. I've had crushes..I know crushes..he def wasn't a crush.
I remember going home everynight telling myself not to be so stupid that nothing would ever happen...and when it did..i didn't want it to end..neither did he. It did though..things end i suppose.
I found another that makes me feel that way though. of course you can never forget your past loves. Sometimes they still hurt...but in the end I know what I have is a very good thing and he loves me and that makes me happy. i think...I think with this other person I changed myself too much...he wanted me to change and I did. I think...that was very stupid of me. With Cain I feel like I can be myself and I don't have to change for him..nor does he want me to...which I like.
I think I am going to take a shower, lay down, and watch some t.v.
Work tonight...oh yay.
~Julz~
So..it rained today. I really hate the rain. Cain says he thinks the rain is beautiful.
i think it's a bunch of wet stuff...well...to make life miserable. I like the sun! I like warm sunny days with no clouds in the sky...a perfect blue sky.
That way...when night comes, you get to see all the stars you want and the moon shining brightly. When it rains..clouds are in the way..and if you are lucky..they go away by night fall.
I remember when i lived in Texas we had a horrible storm around 10 at night...and the power went out. When it was calm and you went outside..the moon shown so brightly that it was brighter outside than it was inside. That was a lucky night.
Well..my dreams of this other person has subsided for now...I had a few in a row actually. they happen occasianlly to oy with me reminding me of what i lost. That's okay though ^_^; I'm stronger now than i was back then. it was hard then ebcuase I only had me to push foward...it seemed everyone was on someone elses side. I always felt helpless. I still kinda feel helpless.
This I realize is me though.
I have this problem where I take things way too seriously and I take everything to heart.
If you ignore me..i feel hurt. Even if you don't mean it. I mean..i don't blame anyone..this is how I feel which is stupid. I am very emotional which I hate. I don't think the world is against me...sometimes I think it's having fun with me...
I read some journal entries I made at home in the journal I used to keep. it was amazing the things I did for a stupid guy.
People thought it was only a crush..people said I was stupid..maybe I was...but if you knew the things we did together...the way we felt...the way we still look at eachother sometimes..it wasn't a crush. I've had crushes..I know crushes..he def wasn't a crush.
I remember going home everynight telling myself not to be so stupid that nothing would ever happen...and when it did..i didn't want it to end..neither did he. It did though..things end i suppose.
I found another that makes me feel that way though. of course you can never forget your past loves. Sometimes they still hurt...but in the end I know what I have is a very good thing and he loves me and that makes me happy. i think...I think with this other person I changed myself too much...he wanted me to change and I did. I think...that was very stupid of me. With Cain I feel like I can be myself and I don't have to change for him..nor does he want me to...which I like.
I think I am going to take a shower, lay down, and watch some t.v.
Work tonight...oh yay.
~Julz~