pathetic.

[fallin_into_you]

Today I realized just how pathetic I really am. There's this guy that I like so much it's crazy. The only really horrible part about liking him is that he's the biggest douche bag I've ever met in my entire life. You're probably thinking to yourself, "well why does she like him?" I guess I've asked myself the same question over and over. You would think getting dicked over numerous times by a "friend" would make me realize how much of an asshole this guy really is but it doesn't and I hate it. We were hooking up last summer and this summer I guess we both figured we'd pick up where we left off considering he lives in Long Beach and I barely see him during the school year. Well that was pretty dumb of me I guess. He knows how much I like him so he just uses me, not even for ass just for stupid things like driving him around, paying for him and all that other stupid shit. He calls me a lot when him and his friends need something because he knows I'll say yes. It's my own fault for feeling so shitty. I let him walk all over me but I don't know how to say no to him. Stupid me told him that I wasn't a virgin anymore because I thought I was protecting myself. I didn't want to just have sex with him one random drunk night and regret it. Of course that backfired. We sort of talked about having sex but when it really came down to it I didn't want to do it and he said it was alright, it was my descision. Another night I told him I wouldn't have sex with him and he stormed out like a child and said, "fine, we're never hookingup again." That night I found out he hooked up with someone else in my house, at my party and then begged me to have sex with him. It's so pathetic you can almost laugh about it. Well yesterday was the third time he hooked up with this girl when I asked both of them not to do it because it really makes me uncomfortable. Of course both of them don't listen. I should really expect that of him though. He's a guy, he'll think with his dick not his head but the girl, I don't really know what to say about her. I really thought she respected me a little bit more than that but I guess I was wrong. It's funny because the first time she did it she said she couldn't eat for a week, she cried and she's not the type to cry at all and she swore she would never do it again. The second time rolls around and she did it again and once more after that. I guess it's just funny to me now. I'm so hurt I just laugh it off. What makes me even more confused is that she can dick over her best friend (not me another girl) and she doesn't even care. Her best friend and I always joke about liking the same guy. She doesn't like him, she just has a huge crush on him so it's funny but she never expected one of her friends to do that to her. It's stupid of me to be mad at her I guess because I'm not officially with him or anything so they're both free to do what they want. I guess I'm more upset that we're not going to hook up anymore and if we do, he'll just walk all over me and treat me like shit. It's really pathetic because I would rather be treated like shit and hook up with him then be happy and not hook up with him at all. Pathetic is a great word that sums up this entry and basically everything that I'm feeling right now. I never thought I would be one of those annoying girls who bitches about guys but I guess I am now. Oh well.

Sorry for wasting your time.