having faith..
Hello old friend,
I have good updates and I have bad updates..
I'm living in a new apt with an awesome roommate. Lainey is the shit, wicked funny, goofy, and chill. We get along really, really well.
Bad news, emotions are creeping up again. I liked the one chick, as in I really liked her. And she just passed me off like nothing. Worst part is I really did try. Gave space, took her on these cool simple hiking trips, was even supportive toward her stupid cult like group. Yet wasn't good enough, didn't leave enough of an impression to matter. And it seems to be a continuing theme in my life. Where I'm willing to go the extra mile and other person just isn't. Only people I've really liked and would say have done the same have been Briana at times, and Heather. She's been the one girl who I hit it off instantly with, I had so much fun with, was comfortable and in my own skin with. She was social, she was caring, she could figure me out, it was great. Except I wasn't crazy about her the way I should have been, and perhaps I didn't give it a fighting chance like I should have.. Perhaps I didn't fight hard enough and cared too much about other peoples opinion. Either way I gave her up and lost her. So much could have come from that..
And then I made the stupid stupid mistake of dating a girl for no fucking reason. I literally had no connection with her and from that mistake lost my best friend. If I could go back and just deny or ignore that friend request I would. If I wasn't such a fucking pussy and didn't have such issues with being alone I'd be happy right now.
I don't want to keep messing up my life. I don't want to keep being alone and chasing the wrong girls. I just want to be focus and in a happy relationship with someone who lives close by that's it. Someone who I actually have a future with.
I might sound like an old man but I just want me gym and someone to enjoy life with. That's it. I want to just forget my past and live in the present.
I don't want to be let down anymore. For someone else to go the extra mile for me, because they care that much.
I've put my wants out there to the universe, now just need to have faith it will all work out...
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