*sigh*

[fallin4rmnehope]

Hi. I don't even know where to start. I'll just recap a bit. Tuesday I was ready to walk out the door for the bus and my mom is like go to the airport with me. I was sort of mad cuz I could have slept an extra 45 minz if I woulda known be4. We had to bring my brother to the airport cuz my brother, his wife, and two kids are moving back here from Florida within 2 weeks so one of my bros from here are gonna go there and help them pack to come here and than drive back here with them. I had drivers ed from 330 to 530. I took the bus at 545 downtown and met Amanda there. We transfered and to the bus to Library Park a whole 4 blocks heh but it was freezing. We went to the library and saw my pychiatrist *crrrringe*. We went across town and did a 30 minute tannnnn yes. It was so warm but than we walked all the way to Burger King sooo freaking cold and than just ya a lot of walking, in the cold... We hadda go by my grams work so she could bring us home but we stopped at Walgreens and got hair dye. I got home at like 9-930. It sux that I leave my house at like 630 in the morning and I don't get home till at the earliest 6 but on that day almost 10! I hate it. I got home and dyed my hair and by time I was done with that it was well after 10 and I had no time for homework. I'm so stressed out it's unbelievable. I'm failing basically all my classes and not small failing like a lil below passing but basically no chance of passing Fs. I have freaking finals coming up. My IBC final is due Monday and I haven't even started. That is like the biggest final I have ever had and I haven't started :'(. I just started drivers ed and I have a test tomorrow that determines if I can go to the DMV and get my temps. I'm SOO stressed that I'm going to be the only one who fails it. I have no time for sleep, no time to rest, shit I don't even have time for homework. I haven't even been on the computer but I needed to just get on here for a minute. Everything is so bad. I don't even get to talk to anyone anymore. Amanda is so fucking involved with dear Alicia. God forbid Alicia. You know I can see if they wanna do stuff together FINE but when Amanda and I do something together she's so fucking worried about Alicia 24/7 it's always Alicia, Alicia, Alicia. And today, damn today. Okay if Amadna would take the bus with me to school when ALicia missed about 2 weeks in a row. Well every night Alicia would be like oh I'm definitely going to school. Next day she doesn't and Amanda takes the bus with me worrying oh I feel SO bad I'm not sure if I wannat ake the bus cuz of Alicia. Well today their asses walk in at 1230 to school. Did Amanda fucking consider me ONCE? Of coarse not. Did they even talk to me? Of coarse fucking not. Why?!?!?!? Good fucking question, why. The smallest thing can freak Amadna out about Alicia but with me nothing is worthy enough to freak out about. When we weren't friends for that entire month I always thought I can't be without them and after we were back together I was thinking this will be better, it'll get better, we'll be okay. Well it's not getting better. I'm so close to saying cut it out or you're being cut. I'm so sick of everyone and everything. Thoughts of killing myself still at a high. If one more thing goes terribly wrong like everything else is right now...well I don't think I need to say what the outcome will be...

FYI FROM NOW ON I'M SNAPPING ON EVERYONE ABOUT EVERYTHING I DON'T CARE WHO THE HELL YOU ARE SO I'M FOREWARNING YOU IF YOU WANNA TRY ANY SHIT WITH ME