Allen Walker is not a blushing virgin and I will prove it.
You know, one of the things that bugs me about DGM fanfic is that Allen is often portrayed as a little man-child who has never thought about touching another human in a sexual way. I just don't believe that's possible. I understand that this is a position that might require some defense, though, so I might as well get this out of the way.
Fear my impeccable logic! And my powers of speculation.
Long, long overdue ETA: In case it isn't really clear from its content, and it should be, this post is mostly tongue-in-cheek, guys. A caricature, if you will, based on highly speculative and silly extrapolation from canon. So fear my sense of humor as well, I guess.
Let's talk about Allen Walker and why the only thing innocent about him is the force that powers his weapon, and that's in name only.
Allen is awesome. There is no denying that. He is a wonderful, idealistic sweetheart whom I would squish to death and as an added bonus he can KICK YOUR ASS. I kind of want an Allen of my own.
Here's Allen when he joined the Black Order, about three months after Cross threw a scotch glass across the room at him in a drunken rage and slurred, "Aren't you gone yet? Gonna be a big-shot Exorcist? I sent that letter. I even let myself sober up to write it. Okay, the shakes, yeah I had a couple drinks before I did it, so what? You better not embarrass me, kid. Now get the fuck out."
Awww. How could you say something like that to this?
But Allen found himself a little bit of self-confidence once he got away from Cross. And here is Allen after he's out from under Cross's thumb and starts to come into his own, some time and a lot of soul-searching and personal trial later. This is right before he starts crawling down the fucking table at Tyki Mikk telling him he'll shank a bitch if he touches Allen's friends:
Style-wise and personality-wise, Allen went from Oliver Twist to David Bowie in a relatively short period of time. Also, whoa, Allen, when did you become smoking hot?
Let's take a closer look at Allen's past to give you a better idea of what I'm talking about. Allen spent the years immediately before joining the Black Order with Cross Marian. And Cross is the skeeziest, skankiest kind of guy. The kind who violates child labor laws - or would have, had they existed at the time - so he can get hookers and blow. Or, in the case of 19th century Eurasia, probably opium.
What does that mean for Allen? Well. It means that Allen has seen things that you've never even heard of. He's spent countless hours chatting up hookers while his guardian had orgies because he was so adorable they couldn't resist talking to him. Probably the only love the poor kid got during that time. Cross probably sent him on drug runs because the kid was so cute no one would ever suspect he had six pounds of opium strapped to his tummy. You think I'm lying? Look at this then, when the twins bitch about the debt Cross left with them:
Allen is pissed. I think this is the angriest we see him in the entire story, barring his spats with Kanda, and those are clearly due to unresolved sexual tension. Dude, seriously, what the fuck did Cross do to you? Do we even want to know?
Allen, my dear friends, is no blushing virgin. He may not be experienced. Yet. But the kid could have directed a porn production with what he's seen by the time he was 13, financed with money he won ass-raping people at poker. He didn't. But he could have. It's fairly obvious that Cross would totally be running a porn website/video business if he were alive today, among other things, and since Allen was his little bitch, we can assume Allen would have been doing most of the work. Allen knows about a hundred dirty jokes that are so filthy you wouldn't even understand the punchline. Allen has heard prostitutes trade blow job techniques in lurid detail. Allen knew exactly how to find the prostate by his second week with Cross, thanks to a German hooker who liked his eyes and didn't know any other English.
Naturally, having a shitty childhood and an abusive guardian, combined with Allen's natural extroversion, affectionate nature and people skills mean that he is going to crave attention. Allen didn't get hugs much as a kid. Allen's starting to really grow into himself and become an adult...
Wait a minute. Young man? Is that an earring?
Teenagers these days. I swear. God, Allen, you're so adorable and so very gay.
Anyway, so now that Allen's starting to gain some control over his own power, you know what? He's going to start wanting hugs right about... now. But wait a minute. Allen's a healthy teenager, right?
Allen's going to want more than just hugs. Allen has the power of a primal energy source coursing through his body and Allen likes to touch people and Allen's feeling pretty good about himself and well. Allen's going to want to get laid. And that's going to be right about... now.
Lookie, it's a canon illustration of exactly what I'm talking about! Behold:
You see this? Let me explain to you what's going on here. Road's kissing Allen. Hopefully that's pretty clear. But wait a second. Do you see a blush on his face? Because I sure don't. Confusion? Yes. Indignation? Probably. But Allen even started to get into it a little bit despite the fact that she is evil incarnate. Look at that left hand panel. Does his body language there say, "Get the fuck away from me?" No. What it says is, "This would really fucking rock if I were doing it with Kanda, but it's not so bad."
I should also probably take into consideration the fact that Tyki molested him for pretty much the entirety of Chapter 55 of the manga. I'm too lazy to put any more pictures up, but go read it. Seriously. Tyki violated him and left him for dead. And what does Allen do 56 chapters later? He's crawling across the table at him like he's in a music video, as I already mentioned. He might as well have been licking his lips at him. That is not a normal response to someone who has literally held your beating heart in his hands and threatened to stop it. Sure, sure, threatening to kill him, but couldn't he have just gotten up and walked around? That was a damn long table.
Allen's oversexualized because he knows too much for his own good. Allen's got a lot of passion and a lot of love for people, but he's probably got real intimacy issues. He probably objectifies sex in a serious way. He's never seen it the way it's "supposed" to happen, commitment and all that jazz. He's seen it employed as a tool at its worst and recreation at its best. I theorize that rather than a blushing virgin, Allen is... well, Allen's sort of a slut.
So now's where I take all of this and tell you how things really go by writing a completely fabricated anecdote of something to back up my point:
Let's take what happened with Lavi. Lavi runs his mouth a lot, full of innuendo and he's a huge flirt, but for the most part Lavi is talk and no action. Lavi is, hm, a tease. And when Lavi saw Allen in those new duds of his, you know, the ones that are all leather and metal and fur and that belt that probably looks hot as fuck when it's riding low on his hips as he's walking around with that new-found confidence? Lavi said something. Something really smart-assed and he only sort of meant it, like, "Well, Allen Walker, I never knew you had such a sweet ass." He probably grabbed it, too, just to get a reaction out of Allen.
And Allen turned around and said, "Oh really, you like this?" With a look on his face something like this:
Then he pushed Lavi up against the wall and gave him a twenty-second taste of what Allen's tongue can do to the inside of his mouth and what Allen's cock feels like grinding up against his. After that Allen probably patted Lavi's cheek and smiled at him again, probably with something a little less innocent in his eyes, and sauntered off, leaving Lavi all shaky and flustered and and thinking holy mother, what the fuck.
Because Allen is also kind of a little shit sometimes, and he's not really that interested in Lavi. But that probably wouldn't stop him. >_>
And that's just for starters. Wait till he gets to Kanda.
Fear my impeccable logic! And my powers of speculation.
Long, long overdue ETA: In case it isn't really clear from its content, and it should be, this post is mostly tongue-in-cheek, guys. A caricature, if you will, based on highly speculative and silly extrapolation from canon. So fear my sense of humor as well, I guess.
Let's talk about Allen Walker and why the only thing innocent about him is the force that powers his weapon, and that's in name only.
Allen is awesome. There is no denying that. He is a wonderful, idealistic sweetheart whom I would squish to death and as an added bonus he can KICK YOUR ASS. I kind of want an Allen of my own.
Here's Allen when he joined the Black Order, about three months after Cross threw a scotch glass across the room at him in a drunken rage and slurred, "Aren't you gone yet? Gonna be a big-shot Exorcist? I sent that letter. I even let myself sober up to write it. Okay, the shakes, yeah I had a couple drinks before I did it, so what? You better not embarrass me, kid. Now get the fuck out."
Awww. How could you say something like that to this?
But Allen found himself a little bit of self-confidence once he got away from Cross. And here is Allen after he's out from under Cross's thumb and starts to come into his own, some time and a lot of soul-searching and personal trial later. This is right before he starts crawling down the fucking table at Tyki Mikk telling him he'll shank a bitch if he touches Allen's friends:
Style-wise and personality-wise, Allen went from Oliver Twist to David Bowie in a relatively short period of time. Also, whoa, Allen, when did you become smoking hot?
Let's take a closer look at Allen's past to give you a better idea of what I'm talking about. Allen spent the years immediately before joining the Black Order with Cross Marian. And Cross is the skeeziest, skankiest kind of guy. The kind who violates child labor laws - or would have, had they existed at the time - so he can get hookers and blow. Or, in the case of 19th century Eurasia, probably opium.
What does that mean for Allen? Well. It means that Allen has seen things that you've never even heard of. He's spent countless hours chatting up hookers while his guardian had orgies because he was so adorable they couldn't resist talking to him. Probably the only love the poor kid got during that time. Cross probably sent him on drug runs because the kid was so cute no one would ever suspect he had six pounds of opium strapped to his tummy. You think I'm lying? Look at this then, when the twins bitch about the debt Cross left with them:
Allen is pissed. I think this is the angriest we see him in the entire story, barring his spats with Kanda, and those are clearly due to unresolved sexual tension. Dude, seriously, what the fuck did Cross do to you? Do we even want to know?
Allen, my dear friends, is no blushing virgin. He may not be experienced. Yet. But the kid could have directed a porn production with what he's seen by the time he was 13, financed with money he won ass-raping people at poker. He didn't. But he could have. It's fairly obvious that Cross would totally be running a porn website/video business if he were alive today, among other things, and since Allen was his little bitch, we can assume Allen would have been doing most of the work. Allen knows about a hundred dirty jokes that are so filthy you wouldn't even understand the punchline. Allen has heard prostitutes trade blow job techniques in lurid detail. Allen knew exactly how to find the prostate by his second week with Cross, thanks to a German hooker who liked his eyes and didn't know any other English.
Naturally, having a shitty childhood and an abusive guardian, combined with Allen's natural extroversion, affectionate nature and people skills mean that he is going to crave attention. Allen didn't get hugs much as a kid. Allen's starting to really grow into himself and become an adult...
Wait a minute. Young man? Is that an earring?
Teenagers these days. I swear. God, Allen, you're so adorable and so very gay.
Anyway, so now that Allen's starting to gain some control over his own power, you know what? He's going to start wanting hugs right about... now. But wait a minute. Allen's a healthy teenager, right?
Allen's going to want more than just hugs. Allen has the power of a primal energy source coursing through his body and Allen likes to touch people and Allen's feeling pretty good about himself and well. Allen's going to want to get laid. And that's going to be right about... now.
Lookie, it's a canon illustration of exactly what I'm talking about! Behold:
You see this? Let me explain to you what's going on here. Road's kissing Allen. Hopefully that's pretty clear. But wait a second. Do you see a blush on his face? Because I sure don't. Confusion? Yes. Indignation? Probably. But Allen even started to get into it a little bit despite the fact that she is evil incarnate. Look at that left hand panel. Does his body language there say, "Get the fuck away from me?" No. What it says is, "This would really fucking rock if I were doing it with Kanda, but it's not so bad."
I should also probably take into consideration the fact that Tyki molested him for pretty much the entirety of Chapter 55 of the manga. I'm too lazy to put any more pictures up, but go read it. Seriously. Tyki violated him and left him for dead. And what does Allen do 56 chapters later? He's crawling across the table at him like he's in a music video, as I already mentioned. He might as well have been licking his lips at him. That is not a normal response to someone who has literally held your beating heart in his hands and threatened to stop it. Sure, sure, threatening to kill him, but couldn't he have just gotten up and walked around? That was a damn long table.
Allen's oversexualized because he knows too much for his own good. Allen's got a lot of passion and a lot of love for people, but he's probably got real intimacy issues. He probably objectifies sex in a serious way. He's never seen it the way it's "supposed" to happen, commitment and all that jazz. He's seen it employed as a tool at its worst and recreation at its best. I theorize that rather than a blushing virgin, Allen is... well, Allen's sort of a slut.
So now's where I take all of this and tell you how things really go by writing a completely fabricated anecdote of something to back up my point:
Let's take what happened with Lavi. Lavi runs his mouth a lot, full of innuendo and he's a huge flirt, but for the most part Lavi is talk and no action. Lavi is, hm, a tease. And when Lavi saw Allen in those new duds of his, you know, the ones that are all leather and metal and fur and that belt that probably looks hot as fuck when it's riding low on his hips as he's walking around with that new-found confidence? Lavi said something. Something really smart-assed and he only sort of meant it, like, "Well, Allen Walker, I never knew you had such a sweet ass." He probably grabbed it, too, just to get a reaction out of Allen.
And Allen turned around and said, "Oh really, you like this?" With a look on his face something like this:
Then he pushed Lavi up against the wall and gave him a twenty-second taste of what Allen's tongue can do to the inside of his mouth and what Allen's cock feels like grinding up against his. After that Allen probably patted Lavi's cheek and smiled at him again, probably with something a little less innocent in his eyes, and sauntered off, leaving Lavi all shaky and flustered and and thinking holy mother, what the fuck.
Because Allen is also kind of a little shit sometimes, and he's not really that interested in Lavi. But that probably wouldn't stop him. >_>
And that's just for starters. Wait till he gets to Kanda.