the end will justify the pain it took to get us there
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need
When all is said and done and dead, I still don't know how I end up like this. Does life, or fate, or God intervene to keep me from these things that I want? Or do I just always want those things that I'm not supposed to have? Do we all have a destiny, is it all planned out from cradle to grave before we take our first breath, or do things just sort of happen?
Jonathan wasn't meant to be King, David was. Moses wasn't supposed to lead his people into the Promised Land, Joshua was. If we do have a destiny, I wonder if I'm continually wanting other people's plans. It certainly feels that way.
In my heart of hearts, I refuse to believe that some things are just not meant to be. We only get one shot at this life, just one. One ride around the carousel, one spin of the wheel, one chance to be who we are. There is no reincarnation, there are no do overs, life is all or nothing. So if we only get one shot, it seems horribly unfair to me that the cards can already be stacked against us.
When we're growing up, we're constantly told that if we just apply ourselves, we can do anything our hearts desire, be anything we want to be. This time in my life is proof that we were all lied to as children.
Not everyone gets to be the astronaut or the cowboy. Not everyone gets to see their dreams become reality. Not everyone gets to live happier ever after.
It has nothing to do with whether you're good enough, how much you want it, or how hard you've tried. You can look great on paper, have everything they want, but still get a "Sorry, you're just not what we're looking for."
For the most part, I'm the kind of person who never wants to know the odds. Whether I look like I'll almost surely win or don't have a snowball's chance in hell, I couldn't care less. That is, so long as I have a fighting chance. A shot, no matter how bad the odds, is a shot nonetheless. I've made my reputation by overcoming odds.
There are times, though, that the doors are closed before you even get there. Instead of getting knocked out, you lose on a technicality before you can even compete. These intangible qualities that can't be measured are my constant source of grief.
So, my friends, if you can lose at something this important no matter how hard you try, then what is truly worth fighting for?