oh the perils of having friends...
well i guess ali doesnt like me or something...
check this out....
"i went to holiday world today, and it was really fun. but like always when i am with a certain someone, i am not in the best of moods. and i have really tried to get used to the way she acts when she is around these other people we hangout with, but there are so many things that i can't block out. i try to have a good time, but i end up turning behind their back and talking about her because she is pissing me off. oh well though, because nothing will change with that problem. even if i voiced my opinion on her, she would say she is tired of people judging. so fuck it, you know? and when you read this, dont talk to me about it because i really have nothing to say."
excerpt from guess who, ali's journal. well i wish i could ask her about it but as she said not i wont i will just ask the world (my journal).
#1, i didnt kno i acted different, TELLING ME WOULD FIX THAT. #2. thanx for talking about it and not to me, IT KINDA HURTS. #3. how do u kno i cant not piss u off if you dont try to tell me to change and we'd work it out if you dont try, WELL I GUESS IT WOULD NE TOO HARD SINCE I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU #4.you are my friend and if you judge me and tell me it is ok bc i CARE what u think, because you are my friend, BUT DONT WORRY I KNO IT ISNT MUTUAL.and finally #5. igf it bothers u enough to post it and u dont want me to want to talk to you about it, THERE IS A "PRIVATE" OPTION SO I WONT EVEN KNO ABOUT IT. i posted this so u would read it and kno how i feel, unlike you i want my friends to kno me and talk to me and work things out. well that is all i have to say.
dont you just love how no matter how hard you try to be someones friend they dont wanna be yours, well welcome to the life of me. i hate having relationships, i wish i could have enough power to rid myself of all ties to the outside world and let my world rum amuck. i think the only tru friends i have are misti and tina. they call me, want to hang with me instead of the usual I want to hand with them, and they treat me well. others dont even give me the time of day when that hurts like a motherfucker bc i look up to them so much.. see where i get the insecurities of how people think of me, i wont talk to new ppl bc of what past friendships have done to my soul. i am sick of false relationships and lack of communication. i wish if someone had a problem they would call me up, and say" lindsay u really need to change this bc it bothes me,"or at least a " bitch, u really are pissing me off". but no, that never happens. i would say hey i got a problem with you but i dont bc of the risk i take of ending a relationship. i feel as though the thread holding us together is so thin if i voice an opinion i will rip it apart, i feel as though they have nothing to lose so they should come to me bc they prolly dont care if we arent friends.
thus if i didnt have the ties i constantyly walk on eggshells with i could be myself more ofter and be happier, but i really dont want to not be their friends. i dont kno what to do so if anyone has any advice i would be mush thankful for it.
post script: Re-evaluate your relationships and let me kno if you truly want to be my friend, because i learned with stephanie it is easier to end the relationship soon instead of drawing it out unneccesarily to make everyone drown in sorrow.
well, now that i am done ranting i am gonna go home and cry while i eat my spaghetti.
oh and just for you ali, i cut that day to piss you off, bc i feel u dont care. and i hate that u dont.
check this out....
"i went to holiday world today, and it was really fun. but like always when i am with a certain someone, i am not in the best of moods. and i have really tried to get used to the way she acts when she is around these other people we hangout with, but there are so many things that i can't block out. i try to have a good time, but i end up turning behind their back and talking about her because she is pissing me off. oh well though, because nothing will change with that problem. even if i voiced my opinion on her, she would say she is tired of people judging. so fuck it, you know? and when you read this, dont talk to me about it because i really have nothing to say."
excerpt from guess who, ali's journal. well i wish i could ask her about it but as she said not i wont i will just ask the world (my journal).
#1, i didnt kno i acted different, TELLING ME WOULD FIX THAT. #2. thanx for talking about it and not to me, IT KINDA HURTS. #3. how do u kno i cant not piss u off if you dont try to tell me to change and we'd work it out if you dont try, WELL I GUESS IT WOULD NE TOO HARD SINCE I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU #4.you are my friend and if you judge me and tell me it is ok bc i CARE what u think, because you are my friend, BUT DONT WORRY I KNO IT ISNT MUTUAL.and finally #5. igf it bothers u enough to post it and u dont want me to want to talk to you about it, THERE IS A "PRIVATE" OPTION SO I WONT EVEN KNO ABOUT IT. i posted this so u would read it and kno how i feel, unlike you i want my friends to kno me and talk to me and work things out. well that is all i have to say.
dont you just love how no matter how hard you try to be someones friend they dont wanna be yours, well welcome to the life of me. i hate having relationships, i wish i could have enough power to rid myself of all ties to the outside world and let my world rum amuck. i think the only tru friends i have are misti and tina. they call me, want to hang with me instead of the usual I want to hand with them, and they treat me well. others dont even give me the time of day when that hurts like a motherfucker bc i look up to them so much.. see where i get the insecurities of how people think of me, i wont talk to new ppl bc of what past friendships have done to my soul. i am sick of false relationships and lack of communication. i wish if someone had a problem they would call me up, and say" lindsay u really need to change this bc it bothes me,"or at least a " bitch, u really are pissing me off". but no, that never happens. i would say hey i got a problem with you but i dont bc of the risk i take of ending a relationship. i feel as though the thread holding us together is so thin if i voice an opinion i will rip it apart, i feel as though they have nothing to lose so they should come to me bc they prolly dont care if we arent friends.
thus if i didnt have the ties i constantyly walk on eggshells with i could be myself more ofter and be happier, but i really dont want to not be their friends. i dont kno what to do so if anyone has any advice i would be mush thankful for it.
post script: Re-evaluate your relationships and let me kno if you truly want to be my friend, because i learned with stephanie it is easier to end the relationship soon instead of drawing it out unneccesarily to make everyone drown in sorrow.
well, now that i am done ranting i am gonna go home and cry while i eat my spaghetti.
oh and just for you ali, i cut that day to piss you off, bc i feel u dont care. and i hate that u dont.