(no subject)
ahhhhhh im just confused. i got okay with sharing all my feelings and shit but now im back to the point where i hate it. i pretty much dont tell anyone how im really feeling except maybe eric. i dont even know whats wrong. i dont really know who i am anymore, i dont really like who i am anymore. looking at myself, i am everything that i hate. i say i hate when people complain but i do it, i say i hate drama but i start it, i say i hate when people talk behind backs but we all do it, i tell people to get over it, when thats exactly what i need to do. i need attention, i crave it, from everyone, i dont know why. especially eric, which is backwards cuz i know he loves me, i guess i just need reasurrance sometimes which is dumb. and if i dont get attention i feel terrible. so i usually feel terrible. and eric, hmm. well its gotten to the point where i just dont know what i would do without him, i dont even think i could function. which actually scares me. one person having so much control over me like that, i dont want to go back to how i used to be, alone and fucked up. and i miss him like hell, two weeks seems like a million years to me, this is worse then usual, and i just want to talk to him all the time, and when im not talking to him or with him i just always feel alone and empty, like theres something missing. lemme tell you thats not really a great feeling. i just love him so freaking much. i guess i cant even remember the last time i was really happy, or really had fun, sure ive been happy and had fun but it never lasts. i guess thats what i want, just to be happy, its a lot easier then it sounds isnt it?
i think i am fucked up...
Cause now I see
That I took what I hated and made it a part of me [It never goes away] And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't seperate myself from what i've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you