(no subject)
it's a dormant time of year.
i can't even begin to explain how lost in myself i am. i feel unproductive, like my creativity is lost somewhere in this absorbtion of love and light and people.
and you think it would come together in this big explosion of energy and a monumental intersection of our parallels. but instead i'm tracing coffee cup stains on formica counters and finding religion in everything but isolation.
and i would love to say that this has a tangible reason, and there are plenty of things to use as a crutch; tom dying, the cold that lingers in the corners of my sheets, conor, people receeding, people progressing, pms even.
but there really is no reason except that i'm lost in feeling. everything is intensified and i'm letting everything into me, just on my knees to the possibility of possibility. but at the same time i feel detatched, there is distance between everyone in my life and myself, and it mostly seems like something with purpose, but it frustrates me.
alex is the world to me. there's so much i learn about him just watching the way he moves and settles himself. his physical movements and attributes are so expressive, and the best part is, he does it without meaning to. i am so lucky. just to watch him breathe is to feel myself drift into him; i carry a vision of his body curled up against mine everywhere with me. you are everything.
jessica is beautiful. she has an essence of understanding to things she is even yet to experience. a willingness to let herself fall hard, only to get up a little easier. watching her try and keep herself open to distinguishing factors of want and need is quite something. the horizon's reflected in your eyes :)
danielle is on one hell of a trip to her center. often two steps forward and one back, but, in retrospect, yesterday always seems more foreign than even the uncertainty of tomorrow.
karyn. such light in that laugh.
jenn; without you, many parts of myself would still seem unclear to me. which is only to say, you are quite an amazing being.
jess. the love in/around/from/to/before you is something only you could see in such a realm of beauty.
so much beauty. serge, kristy, nick, kelly, steph, justin, conor, jazzy, allie, and, in essence, everyone i've ever met in my entire life.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
i can't even begin to explain how lost in myself i am. i feel unproductive, like my creativity is lost somewhere in this absorbtion of love and light and people.
and you think it would come together in this big explosion of energy and a monumental intersection of our parallels. but instead i'm tracing coffee cup stains on formica counters and finding religion in everything but isolation.
and i would love to say that this has a tangible reason, and there are plenty of things to use as a crutch; tom dying, the cold that lingers in the corners of my sheets, conor, people receeding, people progressing, pms even.
but there really is no reason except that i'm lost in feeling. everything is intensified and i'm letting everything into me, just on my knees to the possibility of possibility. but at the same time i feel detatched, there is distance between everyone in my life and myself, and it mostly seems like something with purpose, but it frustrates me.
alex is the world to me. there's so much i learn about him just watching the way he moves and settles himself. his physical movements and attributes are so expressive, and the best part is, he does it without meaning to. i am so lucky. just to watch him breathe is to feel myself drift into him; i carry a vision of his body curled up against mine everywhere with me. you are everything.
jessica is beautiful. she has an essence of understanding to things she is even yet to experience. a willingness to let herself fall hard, only to get up a little easier. watching her try and keep herself open to distinguishing factors of want and need is quite something. the horizon's reflected in your eyes :)
danielle is on one hell of a trip to her center. often two steps forward and one back, but, in retrospect, yesterday always seems more foreign than even the uncertainty of tomorrow.
karyn. such light in that laugh.
jenn; without you, many parts of myself would still seem unclear to me. which is only to say, you are quite an amazing being.
jess. the love in/around/from/to/before you is something only you could see in such a realm of beauty.
so much beauty. serge, kristy, nick, kelly, steph, justin, conor, jazzy, allie, and, in essence, everyone i've ever met in my entire life.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE