At Present Time, At Present Place.
I don't really know what I'm doing... where I'm going or how long it will be until I get there.
In the crux of things I've fucked up a lot of opportunities I could have had. Did have. While not a genius child, intelligence was never lacked. However the ability to fail was prominent. Imminent, in the lazy lacklustre way of mine.
Yet here I am, now twenty years old. A high school drop-out who once was on the student council, once counted many poetry contests won, once led the sea cadets parade and once could have played the flute, piano and violin. Books litter my bedroom floor still, the likes of Romeo Dallaire and Wilde staring up at me.
Do I blame the substances or the family binds to this Part Failure of what I Wanted? Or for once in my life, do I look at my arms and remember all that brought the markings of an adolescence misspent?
No, my adolescence was in such a way it should have been, lest those things happen upon me when the problems would remain problems, when the solution would not be as easy as packing up my bags to live with someone who would not love me as I love them.
Here in lies my problem... even if I admit that it was my fault and my failings of idealism that led me here, to this listless stretch of Time where insomnia and the blandness of a supermarket cashier reigns, how do I end it? How do I get back to the part where I choose a different path?
More important, if I go to leave... how do I say goodbye?
In the crux of things I've fucked up a lot of opportunities I could have had. Did have. While not a genius child, intelligence was never lacked. However the ability to fail was prominent. Imminent, in the lazy lacklustre way of mine.
Yet here I am, now twenty years old. A high school drop-out who once was on the student council, once counted many poetry contests won, once led the sea cadets parade and once could have played the flute, piano and violin. Books litter my bedroom floor still, the likes of Romeo Dallaire and Wilde staring up at me.
Do I blame the substances or the family binds to this Part Failure of what I Wanted? Or for once in my life, do I look at my arms and remember all that brought the markings of an adolescence misspent?
No, my adolescence was in such a way it should have been, lest those things happen upon me when the problems would remain problems, when the solution would not be as easy as packing up my bags to live with someone who would not love me as I love them.
Here in lies my problem... even if I admit that it was my fault and my failings of idealism that led me here, to this listless stretch of Time where insomnia and the blandness of a supermarket cashier reigns, how do I end it? How do I get back to the part where I choose a different path?
More important, if I go to leave... how do I say goodbye?