(no subject)
Time slips through your fingers like sand. Loose, and something you never had a true grasp of. You dont know where it's gone, how it was spent. All you know is, that it's passing by. Each day coming by, each night sweeping over you in a symphony of slumber and dreams.
This isolation you hold of yourself is questionable. Was it self-impossed or did it just come because of the circumstances in your life.
You question these things. Things you have very little control over. Much like your depression. Is it a result of this isolation or is it a result of something else. Something that's always ebbed at your mind. Looming in the shadows like the words you keep behind your lips. You cant find any major complaints in life.
You're alive. You have a job. That beating in your chest is indeed your heart. So in reality. Compard to worst case scenarios, you're not too bad. You're just okay.
Okay is something you're fine with for the moment. It's not bothering anyone. It keeps everyone at an arm's lenght, giving you some space and some clarity for your thoughts. The same thing that you fight yourself constantly to make sense of.
You keep asking yourself where you are going. Where you'll end up. And you start realizing that the answer isnt going to be professed right there on the spot.
Does life find you? Or do you find life?
You cant offer an answer for everything you want in life. But at the same time you're starting to notice that some of these things have a way of falling into place. Much like cards of fate landing on the ground. You cant always predict the arrangement. But you just deal with the way they strike the ground. That's life, right?
Learning how to roll with the punches.
If life isnt that bad nor that good. Then why does your mood shift from this mellow tone,to depressive thoughts. Has your heart become so fickle now that it flips a page every moment of the day.
You chalk up this "moody" behaviour of your's to lack of sleep. You're busy now. You're doing something that is somewhat more adult. Something that you didnt quite expect, but arent complaining about. And you find that with the rush of life, you cant always make room for sleep.
But what's that saying? Sleep is for the dead.
Samhain rolled by quickly. You know where you were. Work, like usual. The sabbath occuring while you tried getting the last truck out of the plant. Your favorite holiday passing you by. But such are the sacrifices of life. You give up a tie to your childhood for a step into adulthood.
So you wonder to yourself. In the next year to come. In the next 13 moons to dance across the velvet sky. What else are you going to give up? Where is this path of your's leading your's.
You know the answers cant be offered yet. You're still trying to process the answer. But that anxious churning in your stomach signals you to take a step. Those nerves are telling you that it's time you let your feet hit the ground and that you take off running.
Now the other question is, "Where are you running to?"