the offical train wreck
so i was on my way to nc... but before mom could pick me up to spend the night i decided it would be good idea to drink. after about 4 or so shots in like 2 hours, tyler calls me to go out. he wants to go to the strip club with dave and i... i also decided this is a good idea and sneak too more shots. the new plan was to be dropped off at mom late so i would DEFINETLY sleep in the car. i'm thinking "awesome" and away we go. i watch strippers.. they dance for me.. most of em touch cuz im a girl.. very nice. we leaving and im pretty sober but i fall asleep. apparently this was a bad idea because i have a panic attack in my deep sleep. dave freaks out and decides.. hey.. we cant put her in her house like this. so he talks tyler into pulling off at haine school at 2 am to have me walk around.
well this about where the police show up. i wake up a light in my eyes (because i was unresponsive and look like a heorin overdose). i see a cop going through my purse, dave getting patted down, 3 cops cars and an ambulance.. i wake up pretty damn quick but apparently i wasn't sober enough. dave tells him the only thing i did was drink, i second that saying i snuck them so i wouldn't get him into any trouble. i get lead off to ambulance. im cold and scared so i ask for a blanket. they check me out for needle marks and i offer to take off my shoes so they can check between my toes ( i heard some heorin people shoot between their toes so its harder to find) i am trying ot help and be pleasant and prove im not a heorin addict. the old cop comes over and tells me they just wanna make sure im ok. i ask his name and say hello. i do the same for the ambulance driver. he explains he needs to stick electrodes on my side so i lift my dress enough for him to do so. i let him prick to check my blood sugar and of course i say ow and ask for bandaid.. i had bled a lot. the ambulance driver also explains his uniform is at the cleaners. i explained i had wondered why a cilvilan took me to the ambulance and was looking me over. by this time the other ambulance guy asks if i check out. he says i did except for the breathalizer. i realized later i still have a shot or two left in my system to process and ANY alcohol in a minor counts.
the young cop comes to collect me and tells me what to do with my citation and how i need a court date. i say fair enough.. thinking i deserve worse and screams at me to lose the attitude. i look at him and say i didnt understand how i had an attitude. he screams at me again he'll throw me in jail for public drunkness... my eye well up and walk silently back to the car. tyler asked me why i all glossy eyed. i point to the cop to him that he made me wanna cry. the young cop sees me point to him and sticks his head back in the car to demand why i was pointing. i explained i told tler he had made me cry and he said u should get worse for ur attitude and that the ambulance guys gave the signal that i gave them a hard time (this was my what the fuck moment). while i was gone i learned they searched the car and dave. i felt horrible. i apologized and we went to my mom's.
i woke up to tell her what happened. still drunk enough to slirr a bit. i tell her i dont wanna go to nc (damn alcohol) and that i just wanted to go home with dave. she wasnt making me feel better so i left. when i tried to sleep all i could hear was the cop yelling at me even though i was trying to cooperate. i wake up around 6.. call my mother at 6:40 hoping she didn't leave yet. i had wanted to see my brother and i felt guilty. apparently she was near the cannonburg exit and would wait for me if i could get bev to take me there. she couldn't and iw as a little irratated that my mom wasn't in a mental place to turn around to get me.
this about where i decided its a good idea to explain to dad what happened and why i wouldn't be in the car with mom. he explains it to justin poorly. juatin calls me right back to tell me he is going to get mom to turn around... his bright idea was to cal her and tell her if i wasn't in the car with her, he wouldn't see her. she calls me screaming how i cost her a visit with "her son" before he goes to iraq and how im selfish and blame her when its my own fault for drinking. basically she calls me the worst person ever and makes it abundtantly clear she will never forgive me for this one. i call justin back and demand he calls mom to explain he wants to see her or else she'll blame me. he doesn't care and hashes it out on the phone with her about how its not my fault.... great. i know it is all my fault though...
to make things worse i blame myself. i know better then to go out drunk.. i rarely drink and i have never done anything wrong in my life... and now im facing my mother never talking to me again, a court date, and perhaps my borther's funeral. poor dave too, he blames himself for freaking out even though he knows what my panic attacks are... i am so depressed now, stressed, with anxiety that is causing my insomnia... i feel that sometimes bev, dave, my mother, justin.. everyone would be a lot better off if i just died.
well this about where the police show up. i wake up a light in my eyes (because i was unresponsive and look like a heorin overdose). i see a cop going through my purse, dave getting patted down, 3 cops cars and an ambulance.. i wake up pretty damn quick but apparently i wasn't sober enough. dave tells him the only thing i did was drink, i second that saying i snuck them so i wouldn't get him into any trouble. i get lead off to ambulance. im cold and scared so i ask for a blanket. they check me out for needle marks and i offer to take off my shoes so they can check between my toes ( i heard some heorin people shoot between their toes so its harder to find) i am trying ot help and be pleasant and prove im not a heorin addict. the old cop comes over and tells me they just wanna make sure im ok. i ask his name and say hello. i do the same for the ambulance driver. he explains he needs to stick electrodes on my side so i lift my dress enough for him to do so. i let him prick to check my blood sugar and of course i say ow and ask for bandaid.. i had bled a lot. the ambulance driver also explains his uniform is at the cleaners. i explained i had wondered why a cilvilan took me to the ambulance and was looking me over. by this time the other ambulance guy asks if i check out. he says i did except for the breathalizer. i realized later i still have a shot or two left in my system to process and ANY alcohol in a minor counts.
the young cop comes to collect me and tells me what to do with my citation and how i need a court date. i say fair enough.. thinking i deserve worse and screams at me to lose the attitude. i look at him and say i didnt understand how i had an attitude. he screams at me again he'll throw me in jail for public drunkness... my eye well up and walk silently back to the car. tyler asked me why i all glossy eyed. i point to the cop to him that he made me wanna cry. the young cop sees me point to him and sticks his head back in the car to demand why i was pointing. i explained i told tler he had made me cry and he said u should get worse for ur attitude and that the ambulance guys gave the signal that i gave them a hard time (this was my what the fuck moment). while i was gone i learned they searched the car and dave. i felt horrible. i apologized and we went to my mom's.
i woke up to tell her what happened. still drunk enough to slirr a bit. i tell her i dont wanna go to nc (damn alcohol) and that i just wanted to go home with dave. she wasnt making me feel better so i left. when i tried to sleep all i could hear was the cop yelling at me even though i was trying to cooperate. i wake up around 6.. call my mother at 6:40 hoping she didn't leave yet. i had wanted to see my brother and i felt guilty. apparently she was near the cannonburg exit and would wait for me if i could get bev to take me there. she couldn't and iw as a little irratated that my mom wasn't in a mental place to turn around to get me.
this about where i decided its a good idea to explain to dad what happened and why i wouldn't be in the car with mom. he explains it to justin poorly. juatin calls me right back to tell me he is going to get mom to turn around... his bright idea was to cal her and tell her if i wasn't in the car with her, he wouldn't see her. she calls me screaming how i cost her a visit with "her son" before he goes to iraq and how im selfish and blame her when its my own fault for drinking. basically she calls me the worst person ever and makes it abundtantly clear she will never forgive me for this one. i call justin back and demand he calls mom to explain he wants to see her or else she'll blame me. he doesn't care and hashes it out on the phone with her about how its not my fault.... great. i know it is all my fault though...
to make things worse i blame myself. i know better then to go out drunk.. i rarely drink and i have never done anything wrong in my life... and now im facing my mother never talking to me again, a court date, and perhaps my borther's funeral. poor dave too, he blames himself for freaking out even though he knows what my panic attacks are... i am so depressed now, stressed, with anxiety that is causing my insomnia... i feel that sometimes bev, dave, my mother, justin.. everyone would be a lot better off if i just died.