(no subject)
tired.
but no, i should not "play exhaustion. there are more interesting choices than that."
sometimes i just don't get acting. actually, i don't think i get it at all.
i feel sometimes like the least person in the department. in all my classes. i shouldn't feel like it. if i was an english major people would at least think i'm smart.
but ya know, it's not about what people think. it's about what god has me do.
my house is cold. my room is always freezing. it looks like the tropics but don't let that fool you.
tired.
small group cancelled for tonight. no energy anyhow. i hate entering a bible study thinking i have to put on a fake attitude or feeling bad for being downcast. i often misunderstand what it is to be a leader. it's not a superhuman. nor am i, "superchristian".
i was talking to this guy from acting class about how i was a christian but hated the label. i told him, "i'm a follower of christ. i try to live life by his example and put my dependence on him because i'm a deprived person." not a full explanation of the gospel, but for the short time we were walking together, i felt through my tired pain that god was still loving on me to share about how he loves with someone else outside my christian bubble of friends. it was, not too bad at all. even though i felt stupid and silly when i was communicating these things to him, i felt like it was the best part of the day.
the best part of this week has been realizing how big that cross is because my sins are a huge debt to be paid. the bigger my sins become to me, the more important it is for my christ-dependence and the bigger the cross is.
meanwhile, i am
tired.
but no, i should not "play exhaustion. there are more interesting choices than that."
sometimes i just don't get acting. actually, i don't think i get it at all.
i feel sometimes like the least person in the department. in all my classes. i shouldn't feel like it. if i was an english major people would at least think i'm smart.
but ya know, it's not about what people think. it's about what god has me do.
my house is cold. my room is always freezing. it looks like the tropics but don't let that fool you.
tired.
small group cancelled for tonight. no energy anyhow. i hate entering a bible study thinking i have to put on a fake attitude or feeling bad for being downcast. i often misunderstand what it is to be a leader. it's not a superhuman. nor am i, "superchristian".
i was talking to this guy from acting class about how i was a christian but hated the label. i told him, "i'm a follower of christ. i try to live life by his example and put my dependence on him because i'm a deprived person." not a full explanation of the gospel, but for the short time we were walking together, i felt through my tired pain that god was still loving on me to share about how he loves with someone else outside my christian bubble of friends. it was, not too bad at all. even though i felt stupid and silly when i was communicating these things to him, i felt like it was the best part of the day.
the best part of this week has been realizing how big that cross is because my sins are a huge debt to be paid. the bigger my sins become to me, the more important it is for my christ-dependence and the bigger the cross is.
meanwhile, i am
tired.