Overload
Why am I continually stressed out, burdened, burnt-out and unhappy?
I am tired. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being unmotivated and uninspired. It's sad that the tears came flowing rapidly and easily tonight after watching something so...retarded. I was just finishing up my work-out and I turned on the T.V. Now, apparently it's a new revelation of mine that when I am working out (near the end), I suddenly become overwhelmed by all these emotions and they burble up inside of me and I just want to cry. There have been a couple of times when I am at the gym and the tears have fallen as a song comes on my IPOD that reminds me of my father. But, I wasn't listening to music today. And I was not thinking about my dad. Instead, it was because of the show So You Think You Can Dance." It was near the beginning when I turned it on. It was when Lauren was announced as one of the finalists. She had tears in her eyes. She received a standing ovation from the judges. And everyone seemed unbelievably happy that she was recognized for her achievements. All of a sudden, I burst into tears. There was something about that one moment that just made me happy for her. And I haven't really been all that happy for myself lately. The culmination of my crying episode of the night was when I saw a re-run of Law and Order: SVU that I had never seen before. It was a newer one. From this past season. It is when Alex Cabot is leaving again, but this time she is switching jobs so she can work with the international division to prosecute those involved with high degrees of rape and sexual violence against women in other countries. She said that she had never felt as inspired as she had been during that last case. She just could not act on that feeling of inspiration. Oh Wow. The tears nearly melted out of my eyes during that one. MELTED! Suddenly I found myself whimpering and asking the goddess for some form of inspiration and motivation. It was rather depressing and pathetic of me.
And now, once again, I have a headache and I am stressed out. Lucky me. Boo!