Back at Work
Here I am. Back at work. Back at a job that holds no value to me whatsoever. Back in a position that does not have any career advancement. And if it were to have some, it would not be in a career that I would want to be in. Not at all. I wake up in the morning and dread getting up for work. I dread it. I think up multiple excuses to try and get myself out of working for that day. And it's not working in general. Not at all. I would love to have a job that I was passionate about and worked in a place that meant something to me. But, there is nothing for me at this place. Nothing. So, I constantly think up excuses on why I shouldn't go, hoping beyond hope that one could be life fatal...or something. It's bad. But I just don't want to be here. However, today is not such a bad day in my world of work. My boss isn't here today. So, I am not constantly looking over my shoulder and being paranoid and sketching out. So, that's a plus. The office seems relatively slow today. So, that is another plus. And I am able to work on things at my own leisurely pace. Which, I hopefully can stretech out every item that I am working on to last me the whole day...and maybe into tomorrow as well. That would be so nice. Ah yes. The wonders that could bring me. But, that is just a slim bit of optimism shining through regarding this banal job of puke and poop. I really don't know why I did this to myself. I should be at home working on my thesis. I should be using my loans and grants to pay the bills while I work on it. There is absolutely no way that I can do both. I have tried. It's near impossible. So, I am thinking about not working. Is this possible? Am I actually able to do that? I don't know...I just don't know. What I do know is that I am unhappy here. Unhappy and unable to do what needs to be done. Truly.