Some Sort of Block
There must be something wrong with me. I have a major lack of motivation and inspiration. I have been dealing with this issue for awhile now. However, the pinnacle of this conundrum occurred tonight when I sat down to write my a few pages for my thesis. See, I have decided that I am going to write at least five pages a day on it until it is completed. This needs to be done. I have been slacking so bad on this. And, I have a new laptop, so there shouldn't be anything holding me back. Well, as I sat down to write these pages, I decided that I needed to check my email first. With that behind my belt, I decided that a little retail therapy might be nice as well. Thus, I bought some really cute clothes online. And then, I thought that I really should buy a couple more books that would actually complete my thesis. And while I was doing that, why not purchase a few movies that I have been wanting as well? Needless to say, I spent all my time doing those stupid things and now it is almost one in the morning and I haven't worked on my thesis at all today. Fucking grand. I don't know why I procrastinated like I did. I just felt...un-ready. I don't know. There was just something holding me back. Basically, what it comes down to is that I am just retarded. And I am angry at myself. And now there is no more time in my day and I don't have the energy to actually type pages tonight. I am also beginning to get a headache and my eyes are beginning to droop. Thus, it is almost time for me to succumb to slumber. But, now I am going to be going to bed angry at myself because I did not do what I said that I was going to do. It's just rather frustrating. And I so frustrated with myself and my lack of motivation. I have even lied to my professor and told him that I have done about 30 pages of my literature review already. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dur. Everything.