I don't understand what is going on anymore
Someone PLEASE buy me this book, I want it so bad!!!
Ok, so today was interesting. Mostly packing, cleaning, taking down posters & shit in my room. It looks all bare again, like it did when I moved in. And I organized some clothes, but I need something to put them all in.
But I had some not so pleasant parts to today as well. I don't really know if he still reads this or not, but I don't really care. A couple weeks, Liz informed me that Josh had IMed her telling her that Kristal was pregnant, and when I heard I let out a large laugh. Karma, bitches, Karma. Liz tells me he's excited about it, but all I could say to that is "Yeah, but all the things he wanted to do, he's so screwed now." Anyways, yesterday, I was flipping through the directory on my phone, and saw Jason's number, and realized I hadn't talked to him in a while. So I decided to call & say hey. I then found out that Josh married her. MARRIED Kristal, the girl who royally FUCKED him over, broke his trust, cheated on him, caused him all sorts of trust issues w/ me during our relationship when I hadn't done anything at that point to merit them. The girl who he burned everything of her, and swore he would never touch her w/ a ten foot pole again. And at first I was just shocked & speechless. And then I just had to think, yet again, "You're so screwed." I think getting married because someone's pregnant is one of the WORST reasons to get married. But it really means nothing what I think, he's made it pretty clear that I am not to be involved in any part of his life, and it's after the fact anyways.
And I know I'm over him, and I never wanted to try being w/ him or whatever, but for some reason I started crying & screaming about it last night. I don't know why, and I don't know what started it, but it went away just as suddenly as it came, and I was left feeling very odd. And then I didn't think about it again for the rest of the day (except to write this entry, lol). I don't know why it weirds me out so much, but the fact that I'm only 19 and one of my ex's is married & having a kid..... and one of my best friends has a daughter, and a guy I know up at game quest's girlfriend is expecting.... and....
DAMN WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE MY AGE HAVING KIDS???
It just weirds me out a little. I guess there's nothing wrong w/ it, I love Joclyn, Jenn's baby girl, and everyone can do what they please, but I just don't think a lot of people are ready to be parents yet. (Jenn, I think you are doing a wonderful job, and I think you will be a great mother.) I don't know, it just made me so upset today, the whole Josh/Kristal thing. It shouldn't bother me.... aside from the fact that I hate her. Always will. Not going to say anything else about her on here, because I'm sure she'll see it if Josh does & leave me some nasty note that I just don't need. This doesn't concern her, just like the email before. But she replied to that too. So, I don't need it. I just hate her.
Maybe what bothers me is that I feel used, I feel like I never even mattered to him.... and that makes me feel so incredibly empty....
Anyways, after that whole episode, I cleaned some more, talked to Morgan as I rooted through the closet looking for whatever of my belongings might be in there. I found sunflower seed shells in a hole in the wall. I think that must be where my gerbil lived when he escaped the aquarium so long ago. I was afraid I would find a dead gerbil or some other rodent carcass somewhere in there, but I didn't lol!
And then, my dad's bible study group was over, so I called Bill to come save me, and he got me some BK, and we watched American Idol (the first time I've ever watched it... O_o ) and it was pretty weird. Then we watched Queer Eye!!! I LOVE THAT SHOW!!! It was such a good episode, the guy they did was so sweet, just a bit of a doof who needed some help, and he pulled through for his woman in a BIG way. AWWWW!!!!
Then the Daily Show was on, and the author, Jim Wallis, of above pictured book was on, and he was a really awesome guy. He's an evangelical Christian, but I just loved the way he sees politics, and I wish more people, xians, and non xians alike saw politics the way this man does.
And now I'm home. Stressing still, about friday & such, but it'll be good. I am so excited people!! 3 more days!!!! HOORAY!
Wish me luck, y'all *if you haven't already, lol!*
*~Tsuki No Oni~*