Sep 28, 2006 02:04
It's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep. Hence why I am writing an entry at this late hour. Maybe I can get everything off my mind and be able to sleep. Actually I am kinda hungry I think I will go make a bagel... hold on...
Well it's heating up now and I'm just sitting here with my thoughts... So my dad isn't going to be coming up here after all. I was a little disappointed; I really wanted him to come see my apt. in all its glory. Oh well, now I can go home and party with my MM kids. It's Rene's birthday on the 8th, and I guess he's planning a big ole bash so drunkville here I come. It'll get my mind off of everything. I don't think that I am going to tell Matt that I am going home. I really don't want to have anything to do with him right now. I decided its time for us to move on and I don't think that either of us can do that when we are still talking almost everyday and hanging out. Maybe after a good 6 months or so we can look past it.
I need to run like 300 miles to get this all outta me. GRR, I hate anxiety. It is starting to come back and I know I can deal with it, it's just hard to force yourself to do the things you know you should be. Journaling has been really easy for me and exercise was until school started. Now I have to make sure that I get up early enough to get my workout and shower done before I have to go to class. The camping trip should help as well. Getting out in the wilderness and swimming in the rivers... so cool!!! Plus I won't have to worry about school for a whole 24 hour period. SWWWEEEEEET!
Wow that bagel was good... now I have to pee... Then I'm taking a sleeping pill. I need to sleep. I did have to take a couple of excedrin today b/c I had a killer migraine which struck approximately 10 minutes after I arrived on campus. Nice, huh? I was supposed to be reading for health psych b/c there is a ridiculous amount we have to accomplish each week (like 100+ pages). Oh well, psych is kinda a reading major anyway. At least I don't have as much as Toessa, my friendly politics major, or as much as Joe did, my friendly lit major. But things are going ok. I like my classes and the teachers are great for the most part. My health psych teacher is kinda old and forgets what she is talking about then rambles and tells us to protect ourselves with condoms and DDs. Kinda comical. But really, she's great. I need to talk to her because I am interested in helping trauma victims who are children, and that's what her private practice is in. Reference please!!!
Grad school... Oh how scary you are... I'm not ready to try to apply. I think I am going to try to work up here in Santa Cruz for a year before I go. I need to build up some references and see what exactly it is that I want to do. I don't really know. At least I'm not as sure as I once was. It's either a speech pathologist or family therapist. And I don't know. I mean being a family therapist would be easier b/c I already have majored in psychology, but speech therapy I get to work with kids and well, I guess making a plan for the parents as well. I am still leaning toward speech pathology but I might have to get a second BA in order to do that. Man, school for life really!
I just very lonely for a second. This whole thing with Matt has put me over the edge. I am fighting the urge to call him b/c I know I shouldn't. He treated me horribly yesterday and he needs to learn that things are really done. And if this is the only way he is going to learn then I have to do it. I would like to continue being his friend but I don't think it is working out. So what's a girl to do...