love is an excuse to hurt and get hurt..trust me.....
have u ever loved someone? or ever cared bout someone? how bout have u ever loved or cared bout someone so much tht they end up walking away from u? i have. and it sucks like no other! i wish i could turn back time but apparently it doesnt exist. *sigh* me n josh got into a fite today. im not sure if we're broken up or wut but wutever it is...it hurts! we were supposed to get together today but it didnt happen. im at my cusins house and the idea was tht we n josh were gonna goto the movies but his parents sed no bc theres two girls and one boy. then he sed how bout the mall and they sed no bc theres the movies across the street. then he sed we should go off-road go-carting but i dnt have the money for tht. then he sed on-road go-carting but he sed it would b boring and me n sam (my cusin) would complain the whole time. he sed tht we can go bowling but sam doesnt want to so tht was out of the picture. he also sed tht we can go ice skating but tht was an obvious no! then he started complaining about how i bitch too much bout crap and im not fun enough for him. and hes tired of kissing and he just wants to have fun with me. and tht im not in my comfort zone and i dnt do things wit him tht are fun. i dnt understand him sometimes. i like to have fun..im just not used to it so i dnt really kno how and im not good at it! im scared to care or love someone too much bc then they could not care or love me back and wut would tht accomplish besides pain and heartache and all tht shit? everytime im on the fone with josh hes either on the computer, playing a game, eating, watching tv, or playing guitar! and when hes doing them things then im out of the picture and he doesnt talk. we sit on the fone for an hour while hes typing away on the computer and i get annoyed. then wen were on the fone and hes not doing them things and actually wants to talk and im on the computer or something then i have to stop wut im doing to talk to him so he wont get mad. hes being a huge hypocrite! im sick and tired of trying to get through to him! he doesnt show ne emotion towards my feelings and doesnt seem to care bout me. i dnt really wanna say ne thing more bout this shit. i need to smoke really bad but i cant at the moment. ok so yeah im gonna go. im not expecting ne one to read this so its like it matters ne ways. these things are retarded