if you knew
last night the bpd shot and killed a sophomore who goes to my school. i felt so out of place with my friends. i didn't know him very well, and they were all good friends with him. the worst part was, i couldn't put a face with his name until today. i couldn't even remember what he looked like as everyone around me was sobbing. i felt like i didn't have the right to cry with them, to be sad and offer comfort to them because i didn't know him like they did. i'd only hung out with him a couple times and couldn't fucking picture him until today. does that make me a horrible person? i think so. and now, now that i know who he is and can see him in my mind i'm crying but no one is here to comfort me. i've never had to deal with death before and i want to be with the people i care about who are hurting right now but i can't and i don't know if i should...i don't know what to do and everything is just confused and a mess and it hurts so much and i can't do anything. a week before christmas. at least we don't have to go to school tomorrow and be force-fed police report type bullshit...crisis control and all that. at least we all have a couple weeks to cope before we have assemblies and all...not that it'll help too much to let time pass, but at least we can have that time. i don't really know what else to say, so i'm ending it here.