nostalgia
I have this problem where every once in a while I'll start thinking about the past, maybe read through my LJ or regular journal, and remember all of the people who have been a part of my life. And although the reminiscing isn't bad on its own, I start wanting to reconnect with these people who I haven't talked to in years. The problem with reconnecting is that none of us are the same anymore. We've grown, (usually) matured, changed into different people who will never be able to relate to each other in the same ways. There are so many people who have been in my life and impacted who I am today. I have such great memories, especially from high school, but also from college, and I'm only in contact with a small fraction of those people. Most of these people probably don't ever give me a passing thought, and for some reason that makes me sad. It really shouldn't, since for about 99% of my time I don't think about them, either.
And then I reach out... and sometimes they respond and sometimes they don't. And even if we talk, catch up, it can almost never be the same. Maybe in my mind I've idealized these people, these relationships... but they're just memories. I'm getting to the point where many people have entered my life, adding memories and impacting who I am today. The hard part is the realization and acceptance that I'll never have any of these times again, except as memories.
I know that even in LJ world, I don't talk to most of you all... but please know that if you are one of my friends on here, you have impacted me in some way that i won't ever forget and I would always love a message or something to catch up and hear how things are.
This isn't the most coherent entry, but it's 2:30am and this is where my brain is right now so forgive me...
And then I reach out... and sometimes they respond and sometimes they don't. And even if we talk, catch up, it can almost never be the same. Maybe in my mind I've idealized these people, these relationships... but they're just memories. I'm getting to the point where many people have entered my life, adding memories and impacting who I am today. The hard part is the realization and acceptance that I'll never have any of these times again, except as memories.
I know that even in LJ world, I don't talk to most of you all... but please know that if you are one of my friends on here, you have impacted me in some way that i won't ever forget and I would always love a message or something to catch up and hear how things are.
This isn't the most coherent entry, but it's 2:30am and this is where my brain is right now so forgive me...