...my turn...
yea so a lot of shit has happened lately and with different people...liz, chris, cat, greg, mike, kimmy...but now its my turn to vent...i havent had a job in a month...my time to take back the job at Kroger's is up...i have no where to go...if i wasnt trying my hardest i wouldnt be writing this right now...i've applied to over 15 places...if it's this hard now...what's it gonna be like AFTER christmas...this is s'posed to be the easiest time to get a job because everwhere is looking for seasonal help...well after the holidays are over...no one is going to need that anymore...so it's going to be even harder...i dont kno what to do...nate's been realy good to me in the way that he gives me the money i need for gas...and my car insurance...i know that i am going to pay him back someday but i still dont like the fact that he now only has nine dollars in his account...cuz MY car insurance was $167...i hate this!! i feel like i failed...and hearing my parents (stepmom and dad) tell me that it is going to be hard and that im probably not gonna make it...that makes this harder...i keep hearing their voices in my head *you're not gonna make it...you're going to come crawling back to us when you fail*...okie thats not what they say but i know its what they think...i hate sounding THIS pathetic...i think i need antidepressants...i cry about this shit atleast once every day...or if not i get really depressed and pissy about it and usually end up taking it out on nate...when i know that he hasn't done anything wrong...just the opposite...he has tried to help me...telling ne that everything is going to be okie and that im still going to go to school and im still going to keep my car...but the voices of my parents overpower it...*you're not gonna make it...you're going to come crawling back to us when you fail* and you would think that hearing them say that would make me want to prove them wrong right...well yea of course it does...but they have me thinking that i am so low that i cant pull my self out of anything that happens to me...i wish i didnt feel like this i really do...i just dont know how to stop it...