change
ok. finally got it now.
change is always an interesting thing for me. i never seem to have anything good happen without having something bad happen. the bad usually ends up being worse than the good....now is no different. In the last two weeks these things happened:
1) Started a graduate program in computer science (good)
2) Started a new job (very good)
3) My gf breaks up. (brutally bad)
Event 1 + Event 2 + Event 3 = about -10 * (Event 1 + Event 2) if each event is weighted properly. So my life was better two weeks ago by about very good times 7. its unfortunate that all three things are independant of one another, or else I could trade in 1 and 2 for 3 to have not happened, and then i would still be on the positive.
So right now im happy, sad, satisfied, acomplished, challenged, destroyed, heart broken, suicidal, tired, paranoid, alone, and hopeful all of the same time. My head feels like its going to explode ever time I think, since this is a very unnatural state for a structured mind to be in.
In life, we try very hard to obtain certain things. we try hard to avoid certain things. and...we sometimes couldnt give a shit if certain things happen. i care about everything that happens to me and the people i care about. i am very open, honest, and thoughtful.....but some people still seem to try to read through me and evaluate my actions in a vaccum. im a full person. this happened at my job a lot in my old position. but luckily, thats over.
some other things are also over, that i dont feel lucky about at all.
im just going to take some nyquil and go to sleep.
change is always an interesting thing for me. i never seem to have anything good happen without having something bad happen. the bad usually ends up being worse than the good....now is no different. In the last two weeks these things happened:
1) Started a graduate program in computer science (good)
2) Started a new job (very good)
3) My gf breaks up. (brutally bad)
Event 1 + Event 2 + Event 3 = about -10 * (Event 1 + Event 2) if each event is weighted properly. So my life was better two weeks ago by about very good times 7. its unfortunate that all three things are independant of one another, or else I could trade in 1 and 2 for 3 to have not happened, and then i would still be on the positive.
So right now im happy, sad, satisfied, acomplished, challenged, destroyed, heart broken, suicidal, tired, paranoid, alone, and hopeful all of the same time. My head feels like its going to explode ever time I think, since this is a very unnatural state for a structured mind to be in.
In life, we try very hard to obtain certain things. we try hard to avoid certain things. and...we sometimes couldnt give a shit if certain things happen. i care about everything that happens to me and the people i care about. i am very open, honest, and thoughtful.....but some people still seem to try to read through me and evaluate my actions in a vaccum. im a full person. this happened at my job a lot in my old position. but luckily, thats over.
some other things are also over, that i dont feel lucky about at all.
im just going to take some nyquil and go to sleep.