I should have my Poetic License revoked
Okay, for my faithful readers...I wish I had a time machine that I could blurb passionately and quickly and straight from the heart as I do when I'm drunk...but not while I'm drunk. Of course, that breaks the whole two bodies occupying the same space at the same time, and thus would tear apart existence as we know it...but alas...
My last post, I have re-read it, and I don't take much of it back. The little bit I do is mostly a typo and a lack of clarity in explaining my feeling...so I'll try and clear a bit up here (at least for myself, but I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it, too).
The problem I had wasn't so much the girl, or what she's done. As I said, this incident happened before we were even introduced, and I have no right to pass judgement on a person's past. And, if the truth needs to be told (as I think it does), stories like this have happened to me quite often...and THAT'S the problem I had.
It seems that I have been missing out, or have been purposefully left out. That's the emotion I had upon the writing of that last post. The feeling that I wasn't good enough, or that I'm too good, and people feel awkward around me, so they don't invite me along, like I'd be a stick in the mud. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me, like I was weird, and not in an eccentric 'unique' way that only I can be. It made me feel weird in the "don't invite the kid who eats his boogers" sort of way.
I know I am not like anyone else on the planet. Most of the time, I relish the fact that I am not like anyone else...that I truly am unique. But there are times when instead of feeling amazingly special...I feel completely and utterly alone, like an outcast, one who's turned away at the door. That's the feeling I had when writing that last post.
Although I don't always feel this way...the other night, when writing that post, I would have given anything to know how to be just normal. I'm afraid that sometimes I don't know how to fit in, and it was rattled in my brain that I don't fit in with this girl the other night. I know I'll never be with her, and sometimes I do count my blessings that I won't...but there are other times when I wouldn't mind settling for something less, to find something comfortable...if only for a little while.
My last post, I have re-read it, and I don't take much of it back. The little bit I do is mostly a typo and a lack of clarity in explaining my feeling...so I'll try and clear a bit up here (at least for myself, but I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it, too).
The problem I had wasn't so much the girl, or what she's done. As I said, this incident happened before we were even introduced, and I have no right to pass judgement on a person's past. And, if the truth needs to be told (as I think it does), stories like this have happened to me quite often...and THAT'S the problem I had.
It seems that I have been missing out, or have been purposefully left out. That's the emotion I had upon the writing of that last post. The feeling that I wasn't good enough, or that I'm too good, and people feel awkward around me, so they don't invite me along, like I'd be a stick in the mud. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me, like I was weird, and not in an eccentric 'unique' way that only I can be. It made me feel weird in the "don't invite the kid who eats his boogers" sort of way.
I know I am not like anyone else on the planet. Most of the time, I relish the fact that I am not like anyone else...that I truly am unique. But there are times when instead of feeling amazingly special...I feel completely and utterly alone, like an outcast, one who's turned away at the door. That's the feeling I had when writing that last post.
Although I don't always feel this way...the other night, when writing that post, I would have given anything to know how to be just normal. I'm afraid that sometimes I don't know how to fit in, and it was rattled in my brain that I don't fit in with this girl the other night. I know I'll never be with her, and sometimes I do count my blessings that I won't...but there are other times when I wouldn't mind settling for something less, to find something comfortable...if only for a little while.