"it's a very very mad world..."

[fallenangel34]

I'm scared that I'm gonna start falling apart again. Thoughts of John have invaded my mind and I can't stop thinking about him. I almost started bawling in bed last night with Katie, but I kept it in. Well, I cried a few silent tears, but I wouldn't allow it to go any further than that. I'm seeing him everywhere. It's just...it's not fair. It's not fair that he had to leave. It's not fair that I had to stay. I don't get it. This time last year I was begging for a way out. I wanted so badly to just take my own life, but I couldn't bring myself to. And then there was John. He was just getting his life back on track and things were going great for him and then he got into that accident. It's not fair. Why am I still here and he's gone? I don't get it.

So what would you think of me now
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

Jimmy Eat World