(no subject)
Frankly, Im just not in the mood to give a real update. So I'll just highlight the main parts. I'll try to go in order of the days, but no promises, as these past few days have been pretty crazy.
+ Tuesday was the 2 year mark for Mom's death. I went to work because I felt bad leaving Nikki to deal with Danielle. 7:30am Danielle starts her abusing, and it didn't stop. I was so overwhelmed, trying to not think about Mom and trying to restrain a 4 year old before she hurt anyone, it was just too much. I started crying. Linda came over and hugged me, I had to keep excusing myself to go in the bathroom to convince myself that I'd be okay. Nikki came in at 8, Karen at 9. About 9:15 I started crying again, and ran out. Debbie was out that day, and Sandy was there, so I asked Sandy if I could go home, I was still bawling. She gave me an attitude asking what was wrong, so I told her, and she let me go. I saw Tracy as I was heading back into Nikki's room, and she's like "Oh hunny, you said you were gonna try to make it through the day, I know it's rough." Then offered to tell Nikki and Karen what was going on so I didn't have to be seen crying by the children. She grabbed my purse for me, asked if I was okay to drive and I went home. So yeah, that was an emotional day, I cried for a long time, most of the day was spent crying. I couldn't help it. I'm not okay.
+ Skipping ahead to about 3 hours ago, we were all informed that Paul's mother was dead (Paul is my sister's boyfriend of 6 years, father of my niece and nephew). I guess the detective said she had been dead for 4 or 5 days, but they just found her today. She lived in like a home for older people (although I don't think she was that old, just needed assistance), and her neighbors said they hadn't seen her for a few days, so someone went to check on her, and found her, and it looked like she had just fallen out of her chair. But they said it was from natural causes. I don't know. I got choked up, just because it feels like everybody I come into contact with, dies. I think that may be a reason why I'm afraid to get close to anybody. I'm always losing people (and I wasn't real close with her, but still). So yeah, Mike (Paul's brother) is over here now and they're calling all of their family and stuff. It's rough, I get tearing up. I'm probably a lot worse than they are right now, on the outside anyway.
+ Went and bought sandals for work. I can wear sandals, but I can't wear flip flops... I know, doesn't make sense to me either. Anyway, got some toe rings too, and yesterday it was so freaking hot and sunny out my lil toes got sunburned a little. Oh well.
+ Got paid yesterday. Gave Toni $150 of it, deposited $150 and kept a little out. I should be making more though, now that I'm one on one.
+ But seriously, is more money really worth it? I mean is getting beat up every single day by a 4 year old worth it? Tim keeps telling me to think about getting my car, and getting my own place, and being able to afford things on my own, but ya know, if things keep going like this, I won't even SEE that stuff. She's going to kill someone some day, I honestly believe it.
+ Wednesday Danielle had a fit at 9:15am, because she threw her cereal on the floor and crunched it up, then refused to pick it up. Our entire room was TRASHED. Paper on the floor, things on the wall were ripped down, toys were thrown all over. I didn't even care, my focus at that point was to keep the other kids safe. She managed to bite a few kids, choked a few others, dug her nails all the way down one girl's neck, tore the skin. This girl is awful. The black devil, I swear.
+ Probably going to gross you out, so if you have a weak stomach, skip over this part..... Today Danielle said she had something in her pants, so I'm like Oh great, please let it be just pee. Of course it wasn't. She sat on the toilet, took her underwear off, and a whole bunch of shit fell on the floor, and she smeared a bunch on the toilet. Then she decides to rub her feet in it, then her hands, got more on the floor, on the walls, on her clothes. I'm like gagging at this point, but I have to stand there. We aren't allowed to help her, because she needs to take responsibility for her own actions, so after she stopped playing she used a whole box of wipes to clean, and part of another. She kept saying her girlie parts her, and I'm like "Hunny I can't touch you there, nobody touches you there except for Mommy, Daddy and the doctor, you have to wipe yourself." and because I didn't, she flipped out more. She kept trying to touch me and I'm like "NOOOOO!" So gross. Afterwards I washed my hands about 50 times. Even though I wore gloves I just felt like it was all over me. I came home and jumped right in the shower. Burned myself because the water was so hot and rubbed my skin so hard it was red. Gross gross gross.
+ Got my pictures developed. I bought a one time use camera, and it sucks ass. The pictures came out wicked dark, or maybe it was just how they were developed, because I've used those cameras before and the pictures came out fine. But whatever, I'll try to get them scanned soon and I'll share bits of my life with you. Not like anyone on here carrrrrrrrrrressssss.
+ Still looking around for skirts. There just aren't any decent ones around here. Might have to take a trip to the mall. Yay for driving half an hour =\
I don't know what else I was going to write. I know I had more, but I'm distracted quite a bit. This whole week has just been emotional. I'm a wreck.
+ Tuesday was the 2 year mark for Mom's death. I went to work because I felt bad leaving Nikki to deal with Danielle. 7:30am Danielle starts her abusing, and it didn't stop. I was so overwhelmed, trying to not think about Mom and trying to restrain a 4 year old before she hurt anyone, it was just too much. I started crying. Linda came over and hugged me, I had to keep excusing myself to go in the bathroom to convince myself that I'd be okay. Nikki came in at 8, Karen at 9. About 9:15 I started crying again, and ran out. Debbie was out that day, and Sandy was there, so I asked Sandy if I could go home, I was still bawling. She gave me an attitude asking what was wrong, so I told her, and she let me go. I saw Tracy as I was heading back into Nikki's room, and she's like "Oh hunny, you said you were gonna try to make it through the day, I know it's rough." Then offered to tell Nikki and Karen what was going on so I didn't have to be seen crying by the children. She grabbed my purse for me, asked if I was okay to drive and I went home. So yeah, that was an emotional day, I cried for a long time, most of the day was spent crying. I couldn't help it. I'm not okay.
+ Skipping ahead to about 3 hours ago, we were all informed that Paul's mother was dead (Paul is my sister's boyfriend of 6 years, father of my niece and nephew). I guess the detective said she had been dead for 4 or 5 days, but they just found her today. She lived in like a home for older people (although I don't think she was that old, just needed assistance), and her neighbors said they hadn't seen her for a few days, so someone went to check on her, and found her, and it looked like she had just fallen out of her chair. But they said it was from natural causes. I don't know. I got choked up, just because it feels like everybody I come into contact with, dies. I think that may be a reason why I'm afraid to get close to anybody. I'm always losing people (and I wasn't real close with her, but still). So yeah, Mike (Paul's brother) is over here now and they're calling all of their family and stuff. It's rough, I get tearing up. I'm probably a lot worse than they are right now, on the outside anyway.
+ Went and bought sandals for work. I can wear sandals, but I can't wear flip flops... I know, doesn't make sense to me either. Anyway, got some toe rings too, and yesterday it was so freaking hot and sunny out my lil toes got sunburned a little. Oh well.
+ Got paid yesterday. Gave Toni $150 of it, deposited $150 and kept a little out. I should be making more though, now that I'm one on one.
+ But seriously, is more money really worth it? I mean is getting beat up every single day by a 4 year old worth it? Tim keeps telling me to think about getting my car, and getting my own place, and being able to afford things on my own, but ya know, if things keep going like this, I won't even SEE that stuff. She's going to kill someone some day, I honestly believe it.
+ Wednesday Danielle had a fit at 9:15am, because she threw her cereal on the floor and crunched it up, then refused to pick it up. Our entire room was TRASHED. Paper on the floor, things on the wall were ripped down, toys were thrown all over. I didn't even care, my focus at that point was to keep the other kids safe. She managed to bite a few kids, choked a few others, dug her nails all the way down one girl's neck, tore the skin. This girl is awful. The black devil, I swear.
+ Probably going to gross you out, so if you have a weak stomach, skip over this part..... Today Danielle said she had something in her pants, so I'm like Oh great, please let it be just pee. Of course it wasn't. She sat on the toilet, took her underwear off, and a whole bunch of shit fell on the floor, and she smeared a bunch on the toilet. Then she decides to rub her feet in it, then her hands, got more on the floor, on the walls, on her clothes. I'm like gagging at this point, but I have to stand there. We aren't allowed to help her, because she needs to take responsibility for her own actions, so after she stopped playing she used a whole box of wipes to clean, and part of another. She kept saying her girlie parts her, and I'm like "Hunny I can't touch you there, nobody touches you there except for Mommy, Daddy and the doctor, you have to wipe yourself." and because I didn't, she flipped out more. She kept trying to touch me and I'm like "NOOOOO!" So gross. Afterwards I washed my hands about 50 times. Even though I wore gloves I just felt like it was all over me. I came home and jumped right in the shower. Burned myself because the water was so hot and rubbed my skin so hard it was red. Gross gross gross.
+ Got my pictures developed. I bought a one time use camera, and it sucks ass. The pictures came out wicked dark, or maybe it was just how they were developed, because I've used those cameras before and the pictures came out fine. But whatever, I'll try to get them scanned soon and I'll share bits of my life with you. Not like anyone on here carrrrrrrrrrressssss.
+ Still looking around for skirts. There just aren't any decent ones around here. Might have to take a trip to the mall. Yay for driving half an hour =\
I don't know what else I was going to write. I know I had more, but I'm distracted quite a bit. This whole week has just been emotional. I'm a wreck.