(no subject)
So stress levels have gone through the roof. I hate not having a job. I need the damn money to have anything and I need a place to live, but I can't find a place that will take ranger. I can't part with him, my mind is fucking me over so much right now. My chest hurts so fucking much right now, I swear I'm going to have a heart attack. All the stress is going to kill me. My stomach hasn't stopped hurting in almost three weeks. I've been worried about so much shit and running myself into the ground. Its really not healthy and yes I know this. My mind has been so occupied that have forgotten to eat a few times and I just.... i don't know anymore.
After my lease is over on Garden Street, i have no where to live. I though by the end of summer we were going to be moving in to the house with Tamra and John, but apparently, that wont be happening until January. -sighs- On top of all this, my only piece of sanity isn't going to be here long. My computer is going to be going back to the store soon cuz i have no money. There goes my sanity. My music, everything. I'm going to die.
I hate where my life is right now. I know I'm not perfect and I know I've made mistakes. I've paid for those dearly, believe me I have, but isn't there somewhere where I can check a break? I mean seriously? Isn't there a place in this fucking earth, where I have a place to live, no worries? Where I can have my career of choice and be happy? Where I can have the love of the people I want? Where Ranger and I can have no issues?
I understand that a large dog and a small child aren't the best combination, but I know ranger would never harm a child or anyone for that matter. But like I said I understand, because he IS a dog and children DO make noises and movements that can make a dog react like a predator. So I do understand that part of it. I do. Which I can't blame anyone for. So I will keep him outside here, but what happens when we move in together and its winter...Do you honestly think I'm going to make the dog stay outside all the time the child is there? I don't fucking thing so. I'll lock him in my room if I have to, but that isn't actually fair to the dog, but I'll do it just so he won't get into trouble or cause any. I love that dog too much to see anything happen to him.
"A cop had to shoot a Rottweiler in the city blah blah blah" Yeah that's a rot that was probably abused, trained for fighting and made mean. I'm sorry lady, my dog doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He doesn't have the ability to be mean in any way which is why he was used as a BAIT dog. In other words, he was the one that was getting torn up and not defending himself because all he wanted to do was play. So Fuck you. And if you haven't noticed, He's not a pure bred rot! he's a mix! He's more docile then a day old kitten. For Christ sake. I hate people and their closed minds about a breed of dog. One bad or mean dog doesn't mean the rest of the breed is going to be terrible. I TRUST my dog with MY LIFE. I know he would never hurt me or anyone else unless they were threatening me. so shove off lady. And another thing, I'm not a loser fucking stoner. You don't know me so don't even try to judge me just because I have a little pot here and there. I shouldn't have to prove my worth to someone who looks down at me?
If Joel and Benji can make something out of a shit life, why can't I? Why can't I make something of this failed attempt at living? I've had so much go wrong and so little go right. Its like I get this taste of happiness then its ripped away by something or someone and my life falls apart. I don't know what else to think. I swear I'm going to cry. Nothing is turning out the way I had it planned.
My relationships have failed. I've been cheated on, cast aside, used as a maid and whore, made to feel like I had no purpose and that I was just using people for sex and or money.
I think I'm going to go for a drive before this meeting so I don't snap at anyone.
After my lease is over on Garden Street, i have no where to live. I though by the end of summer we were going to be moving in to the house with Tamra and John, but apparently, that wont be happening until January. -sighs- On top of all this, my only piece of sanity isn't going to be here long. My computer is going to be going back to the store soon cuz i have no money. There goes my sanity. My music, everything. I'm going to die.
I hate where my life is right now. I know I'm not perfect and I know I've made mistakes. I've paid for those dearly, believe me I have, but isn't there somewhere where I can check a break? I mean seriously? Isn't there a place in this fucking earth, where I have a place to live, no worries? Where I can have my career of choice and be happy? Where I can have the love of the people I want? Where Ranger and I can have no issues?
I understand that a large dog and a small child aren't the best combination, but I know ranger would never harm a child or anyone for that matter. But like I said I understand, because he IS a dog and children DO make noises and movements that can make a dog react like a predator. So I do understand that part of it. I do. Which I can't blame anyone for. So I will keep him outside here, but what happens when we move in together and its winter...Do you honestly think I'm going to make the dog stay outside all the time the child is there? I don't fucking thing so. I'll lock him in my room if I have to, but that isn't actually fair to the dog, but I'll do it just so he won't get into trouble or cause any. I love that dog too much to see anything happen to him.
"A cop had to shoot a Rottweiler in the city blah blah blah" Yeah that's a rot that was probably abused, trained for fighting and made mean. I'm sorry lady, my dog doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He doesn't have the ability to be mean in any way which is why he was used as a BAIT dog. In other words, he was the one that was getting torn up and not defending himself because all he wanted to do was play. So Fuck you. And if you haven't noticed, He's not a pure bred rot! he's a mix! He's more docile then a day old kitten. For Christ sake. I hate people and their closed minds about a breed of dog. One bad or mean dog doesn't mean the rest of the breed is going to be terrible. I TRUST my dog with MY LIFE. I know he would never hurt me or anyone else unless they were threatening me. so shove off lady. And another thing, I'm not a loser fucking stoner. You don't know me so don't even try to judge me just because I have a little pot here and there. I shouldn't have to prove my worth to someone who looks down at me?
If Joel and Benji can make something out of a shit life, why can't I? Why can't I make something of this failed attempt at living? I've had so much go wrong and so little go right. Its like I get this taste of happiness then its ripped away by something or someone and my life falls apart. I don't know what else to think. I swear I'm going to cry. Nothing is turning out the way I had it planned.
My relationships have failed. I've been cheated on, cast aside, used as a maid and whore, made to feel like I had no purpose and that I was just using people for sex and or money.
I think I'm going to go for a drive before this meeting so I don't snap at anyone.