Magic, Wesley decided at this very moment, was something he needed do himself, not have done to him. It only ended up badly. He knew that much by now, and only needed to look back to his past to have it confirmed. Well, metaphorically look back, since he couldn’t actually look back. It’s amazing really how many reference there are to the eyes or their use.
Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, Wesley bit on it hard when the burning intensified. In a moment his organs really would be boiled. He knew they were supposed to be sensing something, or in the case of the others, actually seeing something, but all he got was a blur. So he let go of that and instead clung onto Giles, already feeling his physical body weaken under the magic.
Wesley kept telling himself to hang on just a little bit longer, just because Giles had asked him. He couldn’t help but be afraid though, even if he was proud he staved off a panic attack. Only a few month ago he’d have one, right now he was hanging on by the fingernails. If it weren’t for Giles… You wouldn’t be blind…
A frown creased his face when he heard that voice. It wasn’t one he recognized, which he found odd. Not that there weren’t tiny little voices in his head that he didn’t know… It was just to convenient. Had Giles heard it too? Sagging a bit in his lover’s arms, I bit down on his lip hard enough to taste a bit of a coppery pang and signaled to his partner that he’d really like to stop now.
Wesley slumped in his arms. That's enough, Giles sent along the spell, his mental 'voice' sharp. Both Willow and Tara pulled back at once and Giles tightened his grip on his lover.
"Wesley? Are you all right, love?" Giles guided Wesley to a chair that Tara moved nearby. Giles tried not to let his thoughts show on his face. While he was sure that Willow and Tara had gotten a good look at the spell structure, enough to figure out how to break it. However, as soon as they'd moved against the spell, Wesley had reacted badly. He'd heard that stray thought as well, though he didn't think Willow or Tara had. He certainly didn't want Wesley know he had.
Dizzy, that’s what he felt. And sore, like he’d just done ten rounds with some heavy weight demon. Not to mention that he was so warm, nearly burning, but he knew that was the magic, it would fade soon enough. All he needed to do was sit here and relax somewhat. Which was rather difficult with the voice he’d just heard. Had that been one of his own many tiny voices, or had that one come from outside?
He didn’t like the idea of it coming from the outside, but somehow he got the feeling that it had been just that. Did that mean that this whatever it was, could hear his thoughts? Could talk to him that way? Make those kinds of suggestions? It would drive him mad at the state he was in now. Feeling utterly vulnerable and weak. Maybe he should tell Giles, he needed to trust his lover and not fold into himself again.
“I’m fine. Or I will be in a moment,” he said quietly, groping around until he got hold of Giles’ hand. Maybe it was best to hear what Willow and Tara had heard or seen before talking to Giles. “How’d it go?”
"Well, I got a look at the spell," Willow said, though the smile she gave seemed rather false. "I think we can break it. I just don't understand why you responded this way. I mean, what we were doing shouldn't have hurt at all. I'd have asked you first if I'd thought you'd feel anything."
She shot Wesley an apologetic glance and sighed. Giles squeezed his partner's shoulder automatically, though his mind was mostly elsewhere. He tried to pull himself from his thoughts, not particularly wanting to consider them at the moment.
"It's all right, Willow. There's no way you could have known that would happen."
If he could glare, he’d glare at Willow right now. Had she not researched the spell herself, or had she just done what Giles had told her to do? Giles had specifically warned him that it would hurt, and he’d prepared for that. It wasn’t very comforting to realize that Willow at the very least had not known. Wesley felt his spirit sink and wondered if he should allow anyone to perform magic on him again.
Wesley blinked at Giles words, wondering if he heard right. She couldn’t have known? Of course she should have known! Wasn’t that a cardinal rule when doing Magic? Know everything about the spell you were about to do. He couldn’t believe his ears and he wondered if perhaps he was trying to grasp around for straws just so not to get more magic done. He was literally getting sick of magic, no matter how talented he apparently was himself in that area.
“W-why don’t we research the spell,” Tara’s soft voice came, and Wesley had the idea she had known. She had studied it. Willow as getting over confident in her abilities apparently, he needed to talk to Giles about that. Wondering if perhaps the man saw it that way as well.
“Oh,” Willow’s voice this time. “Okay, don’t think that’ll help.” He could feel her shrug and swallowed a growl.
Wesley listened to them walk away before turning toward Giles. “Love?” He reached out, bumping his hand at his lovers shoulder. “Can I have a word with you please? Private?”
Giles nodded and then remembered that Wesley couldn't see him. "All right, love, I'll just the door." Glancing out into the shop, his eyes landed on Willow and Tara, who sat at the table, apparently urgently discussing something over the books. There was something he wasn't being told. A spike of anger surged through him, but he ignored it for the moment. He needed to speak to Wesley . . . though he wasn't certain what they'd be speaking about.
There were so many things. Giles pushed away his doubts and turned to his lover, his eyes sweeping over Wesley's face. Wes looked tired, which was no surprise, nor was the despondency clear in his posture. Still, it made Giles' chest constrict.
"We're in private, Wes. I know the spell . . . I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say just now. It was hard to push away the voice he'd heard in Wesley's mind.
Did he even look at the spell himself, or just throw you out there like some guinea pig? Wesley flinched when heard that voice again. Cold, bitter, distant and it could have easily have been one of those little voice he’d been so successfully warding off since he’d gotten together with Giles. He was damn sure it wasn’t though.
“You know what about the spell, exactly,” Wesley sighed, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to get up and pace if it weren’t for the fact that he’d probably bump into something with the first pace. “Willow didn’t even know what she was doing, not really, Giles. It would appear she had no idea about some of the consequences. I don’t want her doing any magic on me again if she doesn’t realize the danger of what she’d doing.”
Hell, at this rate he’d feel saver with Ethan. And considering the man didn’t exactly like him one bit, was a chaos mage and an utter bastard, that was saying a lot. “Or do you think she’s perfectly capable of going into such deep magic unprepared?” he asked, a bit of a challenge in his voice. Oh god, he needed to lay down or just… do something to relax before he was going to start biting heads off. This was just all so very bloody frustrating.
Giles sighed, moving to sit against the desk, next to where Wesley sat. "Love, it's not the detection spell that was the problem. Whatever spell has a hold on you, it's . . . it's not like anything I've ever seen. It shouldn't have happened that way."
Scrubbing his hands across his face, Giles tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. "Willow is more than capable of using such a spell, I wouldn't have asked her otherwise. There shouldn't have been any danger," not that anything ever seems to fall out the way it should.
Giles glanced over at his partner and bit his lip, trying to make sense of any of this. The doll had to have been the catalyst, it was the only thing that had made sense, but the spell on it had crumbled when they'd even tried to touch it. He hadn't necessarily expected the same thing to happen with Wesley, but once they'd found the damn thing they should have been able to break it and, instead, it had apparently lashed out in some way. It made no sense.
Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, Wesley bit on it hard when the burning intensified. In a moment his organs really would be boiled. He knew they were supposed to be sensing something, or in the case of the others, actually seeing something, but all he got was a blur. So he let go of that and instead clung onto Giles, already feeling his physical body weaken under the magic.
Wesley kept telling himself to hang on just a little bit longer, just because Giles had asked him. He couldn’t help but be afraid though, even if he was proud he staved off a panic attack. Only a few month ago he’d have one, right now he was hanging on by the fingernails. If it weren’t for Giles… You wouldn’t be blind…
A frown creased his face when he heard that voice. It wasn’t one he recognized, which he found odd. Not that there weren’t tiny little voices in his head that he didn’t know… It was just to convenient. Had Giles heard it too? Sagging a bit in his lover’s arms, I bit down on his lip hard enough to taste a bit of a coppery pang and signaled to his partner that he’d really like to stop now.
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"Wesley? Are you all right, love?" Giles guided Wesley to a chair that Tara moved nearby. Giles tried not to let his thoughts show on his face. While he was sure that Willow and Tara had gotten a good look at the spell structure, enough to figure out how to break it. However, as soon as they'd moved against the spell, Wesley had reacted badly. He'd heard that stray thought as well, though he didn't think Willow or Tara had. He certainly didn't want Wesley know he had.
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He didn’t like the idea of it coming from the outside, but somehow he got the feeling that it had been just that. Did that mean that this whatever it was, could hear his thoughts? Could talk to him that way? Make those kinds of suggestions? It would drive him mad at the state he was in now. Feeling utterly vulnerable and weak. Maybe he should tell Giles, he needed to trust his lover and not fold into himself again.
“I’m fine. Or I will be in a moment,” he said quietly, groping around until he got hold of Giles’ hand. Maybe it was best to hear what Willow and Tara had heard or seen before talking to Giles. “How’d it go?”
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She shot Wesley an apologetic glance and sighed. Giles squeezed his partner's shoulder automatically, though his mind was mostly elsewhere. He tried to pull himself from his thoughts, not particularly wanting to consider them at the moment.
"It's all right, Willow. There's no way you could have known that would happen."
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Wesley blinked at Giles words, wondering if he heard right. She couldn’t have known? Of course she should have known! Wasn’t that a cardinal rule when doing Magic? Know everything about the spell you were about to do. He couldn’t believe his ears and he wondered if perhaps he was trying to grasp around for straws just so not to get more magic done. He was literally getting sick of magic, no matter how talented he apparently was himself in that area.
“W-why don’t we research the spell,” Tara’s soft voice came, and Wesley had the idea she had known. She had studied it. Willow as getting over confident in her abilities apparently, he needed to talk to Giles about that. Wondering if perhaps the man saw it that way as well.
“Oh,” Willow’s voice this time. “Okay, don’t think that’ll help.” He could feel her shrug and swallowed a growl.
Wesley listened to them walk away before turning toward Giles. “Love?” He reached out, bumping his hand at his lovers shoulder. “Can I have a word with you please? Private?”
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There were so many things. Giles pushed away his doubts and turned to his lover, his eyes sweeping over Wesley's face. Wes looked tired, which was no surprise, nor was the despondency clear in his posture. Still, it made Giles' chest constrict.
"We're in private, Wes. I know the spell . . . I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say just now. It was hard to push away the voice he'd heard in Wesley's mind.
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“You know what about the spell, exactly,” Wesley sighed, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to get up and pace if it weren’t for the fact that he’d probably bump into something with the first pace. “Willow didn’t even know what she was doing, not really, Giles. It would appear she had no idea about some of the consequences. I don’t want her doing any magic on me again if she doesn’t realize the danger of what she’d doing.”
Hell, at this rate he’d feel saver with Ethan. And considering the man didn’t exactly like him one bit, was a chaos mage and an utter bastard, that was saying a lot. “Or do you think she’s perfectly capable of going into such deep magic unprepared?” he asked, a bit of a challenge in his voice. Oh god, he needed to lay down or just… do something to relax before he was going to start biting heads off. This was just all so very bloody frustrating.
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Scrubbing his hands across his face, Giles tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. "Willow is more than capable of using such a spell, I wouldn't have asked her otherwise. There shouldn't have been any danger," not that anything ever seems to fall out the way it should.
Giles glanced over at his partner and bit his lip, trying to make sense of any of this. The doll had to have been the catalyst, it was the only thing that had made sense, but the spell on it had crumbled when they'd even tried to touch it. He hadn't necessarily expected the same thing to happen with Wesley, but once they'd found the damn thing they should have been able to break it and, instead, it had apparently lashed out in some way. It made no sense.
"Wes? Are you feeling any different?"
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