1,2 till freedom
I suck at life....
I couldn't sleep last night worth a snap. It was hard to tell my dreams from reality and kept waking up thinking I was really somewhere else... Alas, I was not and I was laying freezing, insecure, and so very alone in my bed. I haven't felt this bad in such a long time. I guess what people never really understood why I don't come to school and it's exactly for times like this. I don't want to get in another slump, but it doesn't seem to be that anything out there is really preventing it. Yesterday I just couldn't get away from the thought that everything is crashing down around me. I just layed there this morning staring at my clock counting the seconds till the next minute that would pass on... There's nothing. I've felt like snapping about everything the last week or so, even if it was nothing or not meant harshly. Maybe I need to get away for a while. Yesterday was the last day of our oh so short spring break so there is no luck for me going anywhere now. I have class at 8 and I know I'm just going to go through another day pretending to smile and care about everything that I have no more feelings left for. I thought about all kinds of things but I know that my body is a temple and I wouldn't do them in a million lifetimes. I guess that it's like a temple that's old and no one uses it anymore and it just is falling apart at the seams... the plaster is cracking and the bricks are crumbling apart and becomming weathered. The pues have slowly become empty and the fabric has faded with the sunlight that used to be cast through to the inside. The last single person that has walked in, walked out and slowly closed the door behind them and it's not to be used again, yet to be torn down and replaced by something that it is not. Just like an old cathedral in the middle of the city that has been worshiped by so many, seen and head so many thoughts, prayers, and dreams, only to be torn down and replaced by a Starbucks or some other mass-produced general money-making scheme. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. Memories hurt more than you could ever know. I have class, goodbye.
I couldn't sleep last night worth a snap. It was hard to tell my dreams from reality and kept waking up thinking I was really somewhere else... Alas, I was not and I was laying freezing, insecure, and so very alone in my bed. I haven't felt this bad in such a long time. I guess what people never really understood why I don't come to school and it's exactly for times like this. I don't want to get in another slump, but it doesn't seem to be that anything out there is really preventing it. Yesterday I just couldn't get away from the thought that everything is crashing down around me. I just layed there this morning staring at my clock counting the seconds till the next minute that would pass on... There's nothing. I've felt like snapping about everything the last week or so, even if it was nothing or not meant harshly. Maybe I need to get away for a while. Yesterday was the last day of our oh so short spring break so there is no luck for me going anywhere now. I have class at 8 and I know I'm just going to go through another day pretending to smile and care about everything that I have no more feelings left for. I thought about all kinds of things but I know that my body is a temple and I wouldn't do them in a million lifetimes. I guess that it's like a temple that's old and no one uses it anymore and it just is falling apart at the seams... the plaster is cracking and the bricks are crumbling apart and becomming weathered. The pues have slowly become empty and the fabric has faded with the sunlight that used to be cast through to the inside. The last single person that has walked in, walked out and slowly closed the door behind them and it's not to be used again, yet to be torn down and replaced by something that it is not. Just like an old cathedral in the middle of the city that has been worshiped by so many, seen and head so many thoughts, prayers, and dreams, only to be torn down and replaced by a Starbucks or some other mass-produced general money-making scheme. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. Memories hurt more than you could ever know. I have class, goodbye.