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Apr 23, 2006 19:49

so spring break was utterly amazing ... i mean alot of it did suck ... but getting to meet the greatest guy on earth and all didnt lol ... so yea ... my dads being a bitch and all ... i mean ... i understand hes sick and doesnt feel good ... but if he would just realize that maybe he would be able to breathe if he just stopped smoking for five seconds ... and that its his own damn fault he got sick in the first place ... whatever ... like i told my aunt and jon today ... he can complain all he wants ... but nothings going to change unless he faces reality and sadly enough - when people tell him whats going on he doesnt fucking believe it ... so whatever ... its his fault ... he knows it ... i know hes worried and scared and stuff ... and i know its not his fault that smoking is addictive but im not condoning these things ... in fact i hate them ... but whatever ... hes gonna be sick then its his own damn fault ... he complained to my aunt today that i dont care about him cuz im not there ... "shes never here, she doenst love me" ... oh dont pull that crap on me ... i love him ... really i do ... i just cant stand being around someone thats so self distructive ... i know ... ur going ... well cait ... u shouldnt talk ... but honest to god ... since my freshman sophomore year ive grown so much ... i know we all have ... but i realize now that theres more to my life then all the crappy stuff that happends ... for everyone one bad thing theres a million good ones ... or at least i try to think that way ... i told my aunt and jon that it doesnt matter to me because im better then all the crap my dad says to me ... go ahead .. blame me for whatever the hell u want to ... all that matters is that i know i didnt do what u said i did so thats why when he yells i can just laugh ... its funny ... i think alot of this has to do with how im running my life now ... i realize that in august im going to have to make my own decisions about things and im going to be on my own downtown ... i know that to all of u it seems like i already make alot of my decisions but at least now i wont have the feeling like every little thing i do is going to get me in trouble ... i cant wait untill that day ... but this blog was not really supposed to be about me complaining about my dad ... it was supposed to be about how this break went ... so i started running/ rollerblading more .. i decided that mondays and thursdays when schools starts will be days i dont run cuz id have to get up at 5 and run and then shower ... and thats not happening because otherwise i would pass out at school ... other then that on other days i can do whatever after school because i dont really have ne thing to do ... and ive gotten into this whole drinking water thing ... i dunno ... im just being strange i know ... and everyone probably like oh ur just going through that whole *i have to eat nothing but healthy things* well i dont think thats it ... when i go run i feel good ... like clean ... i dunno .. granted usually im gross and stinky after words but its like my insides are all clean and i like that feeling ... so more then likely when school starts im gonna be one of those people who runs everday before a class and drinks nothing but water and doesnt eat the dorm food (except i probably wouldnt ne ways) and shots at like wild oats and trader joes lol ... not that thats bad ... ive been trying to cut out some of the bad things i eat like fast food and junk tho ... maybe not cut out but cut down ... i dunno ... gotta have some fun still right? hehe
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