(no subject)
I honestly don't know if I remember how to write. I honestly don't know if writing is worth is, since I don't know if anyone will ever read it. The question then remains, am I writing for myself or for everyone else?
Is anything I do really for myself?
But at the end of the day, I think I need this. Doesn't matter if this website is dead and abandoned. Maybe we're meant for each other in that way...
I just can't keep going the way I have been. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. The sense of hopelessness that plagues everything I do. And I know exactly how I got here, I just can't believe I let it go so long without helping myself. Like Chinese water torture - a constant battering that you choose to not recognize until it is way too late. But it's not too late. I don't think...
So what do I do? Where do I go from here? What small things can I do to make myself ok today? I have no answers to these questions. And when I admit to that, when I realize it out loud or on paper, that is when I am scared.
I am so scared.
Is anything I do really for myself?
But at the end of the day, I think I need this. Doesn't matter if this website is dead and abandoned. Maybe we're meant for each other in that way...
I just can't keep going the way I have been. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. The sense of hopelessness that plagues everything I do. And I know exactly how I got here, I just can't believe I let it go so long without helping myself. Like Chinese water torture - a constant battering that you choose to not recognize until it is way too late. But it's not too late. I don't think...
So what do I do? Where do I go from here? What small things can I do to make myself ok today? I have no answers to these questions. And when I admit to that, when I realize it out loud or on paper, that is when I am scared.
I am so scared.