Take Me Away...
I've done it again and I've done it for good. I've fucked up everything, even if there wasn't anything left to save. I got frustrated and made a smart ass comment and fucked everything up for good. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm really reaching the point to where it's all just going to fall apart. I try to keep everything inside so no one knows, but there's just too much to hide. And it's not surprising if you don't believe me, but I wish that you could. I've never felt so happy being with someone...so wanted...loved...needed...and never tried so hard to keep the things that I had. If I could do it for you I would, but I can't let you go...even if it kills me. At least I can say that I died holding onto something that I loved. I really wish I knew what was wrong with me and why I seem to fuck up everything good I've ever had...it'd be nice to just burn away that part of me. This is the worst that I've ever attached myself to anyone...I was so sure that it was always going to be there...and I fucked it up and made it go away forever. I wish I didn't. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could change. I wish I didn't hurt you. I wish I didn't make you mad. I wish I didn't make you hate me. I wish I didn't fuck up. I wish I could stop. I wish I had what I loved. I wish for so much...and they're all wishes on dying stars-they're never going to happen. I brought it all on myself...I fucked up any chance there was. Move on...I can't...I can't let go...I love him too much, even if the only thing in return is hate. I'm done...I'm done...I've finally wore myself down to the last part. I'm done. I can't take anything back, I can't fix what I've done, I can't apologize enough...I'm done. I can't fight anymore...it's not worth it...for anything. I'll just fuck it up like I do everything else...it'll never change. I can't live like that forever...it hurts too much. I know suicide is selfish and an unforgiving feeling...but the thought won't go away and it just keeps coming closer. I don't know how I'll be later tonight or ever, so I'll just say it all now before it's too late.
I'm sorry to everyone that I've hurt. I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be and if I only made things worse instead of better. I wanted nothing but the best for you all and still wish for you all to be happy. You all deserve it so much more than you think.
Mindy-I couldn't ask for someone better to be my best friend. You've been there with me through it all. I know I seem to dump everything on you, but you're the only one I've ever felt that I could turn to. No one knows me better than you and without you I would have fell apart before now. We've had so many memories. I love you <333
Chris-I'm sorry for what I've done...for ever making you mad, depressed...anything at all. I know I'm fucked up and I guess I live to fuck things up. I couldn't thank you enough for the two months of absolute happiness and for all that you've done for me. The drugs...the alcohol...the cutting...it was all time in your life that you didn't have to waste on helping me. I wish I could've helped you more with everything in your life, but I only know so much...and as you can tell now-I'm not so good with life. I hope you find someone that treats you the way you deserve...and make you happy forever. You really have a lot going for you-even if you don't see it...you're amazingly smart, talented, and stronger than I ever seen. I never meant to bring you down and I'm sorry that I did. I know you'll move on, find someone else and forget me...but I don't blame you. I f I could do that with myself I would in a heartbeat. But even if you never think of me again and only ever hate me...I still want you to know that whoever gets the chance to hold you as their own-they're lucky as hell...I never meant to hurt you...I want the best for you...and I'll always love you, even if it only goes one way.
I can't keep trying anymore when it's all just going around in one never-ending circle. If it goes, it goes...if it doesn't, then I guess...it just doesn't. Who knows. It's just not worth fighting for the prize of another disappointment...
I'm sorry to everyone that I've hurt. I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you when you needed me to be and if I only made things worse instead of better. I wanted nothing but the best for you all and still wish for you all to be happy. You all deserve it so much more than you think.
Mindy-I couldn't ask for someone better to be my best friend. You've been there with me through it all. I know I seem to dump everything on you, but you're the only one I've ever felt that I could turn to. No one knows me better than you and without you I would have fell apart before now. We've had so many memories. I love you <333
Chris-I'm sorry for what I've done...for ever making you mad, depressed...anything at all. I know I'm fucked up and I guess I live to fuck things up. I couldn't thank you enough for the two months of absolute happiness and for all that you've done for me. The drugs...the alcohol...the cutting...it was all time in your life that you didn't have to waste on helping me. I wish I could've helped you more with everything in your life, but I only know so much...and as you can tell now-I'm not so good with life. I hope you find someone that treats you the way you deserve...and make you happy forever. You really have a lot going for you-even if you don't see it...you're amazingly smart, talented, and stronger than I ever seen. I never meant to bring you down and I'm sorry that I did. I know you'll move on, find someone else and forget me...but I don't blame you. I f I could do that with myself I would in a heartbeat. But even if you never think of me again and only ever hate me...I still want you to know that whoever gets the chance to hold you as their own-they're lucky as hell...I never meant to hurt you...I want the best for you...and I'll always love you, even if it only goes one way.
I can't keep trying anymore when it's all just going around in one never-ending circle. If it goes, it goes...if it doesn't, then I guess...it just doesn't. Who knows. It's just not worth fighting for the prize of another disappointment...