Broken Words...

[fallen_endings]

It's been awhile...but there hasn't really been anything worth posting. Pretty much same thing everyday...you'd get pretty bored reading about the same things everyday, now wouldn't you?-Things aren't really improving much, but a little. But being down and depressed leads me back to thoughts I'd temporarily forgotten. Not that they're all good and healthy thoughts, but comforting still-being only what I knew of before. It's almost like breathing and yet suffocating at the same time...a bittersweet entrapping release. Sometimes...just sitting and thinking...I think, maybe I miss being so depressed. It was after all my normality and reality...all that I came to know after five years. Just a growing insecure security to hold and have as mine for comfort...something that I could always turn to because it never failed to be there for me to reach for. It grew to be a part of me, one that I beacame comfortable and trusting with...one that I miss now that it's slowly leaving. It's like losing someone I love and never having the chance to say goodbye-that somewhat of a guilt feeling. And as much as I may hate to say it...being the only thing constant and dependable-it became a friend of mine...or rather just another side to me-a side to whom I actually know...the side with no stranger feeling. But I know that it was the wrong thing to attach myself to...despite its everlasting promises. It became harder everyday to hide it all away from everyone else and even harder to hide the cuts...and now, even more to hide the scars. The scars-the constant and obvious painful reminder. Yet to still want it all back. More or less one of the most confusing complications...and still left questioning all of it-wondering what to do next and if I'll be right. I guess I'll just have to keep wondering and questioning and just see how it all turns out. But for now I have the three best things I could ever ask for...the three things that keep me grounded when everything else just seems to fall away. And to those three things...I owe much more than just my life. My little sister Michaela-to remind me that I am someone and a role model...My best friend and long lost older sister Mindy-to remind me of the mutual trust of true friendship and to catch me when I fall...And to my boyfriend Chris-to love me as I've never been loved before, to make me feel as though there aren't enough words to say it all and that I Love You is just a minute comparison to the true and happy feeling-one I thought I'd never to be able feel. I couldn't thank you guys enough and I love you <3. So I guess I'm done rambling on about something that will leave me clueless when I read it over again.

Chris*I Love You!!! <333